Friday, February 20, 2009

A Year Ago

I remember like it were yesterday, of course I have a blog post to jump start that memory. For the record, my prediction was wrong. Diamond did not shred Hills to smithereens. She generally ignores her unless someone presses the issue. Diamond is particularly particular about her toys, or rather toy. There is only one, a squeaky soccer ball, that garners any real attention. So much so, it rarely squeaks anymore. But, back to the point, a year ago . . .

My daughter was excited to cast her vote on Super Tuesday and even more so in November. Today, her president proposes, negotiates, parents with the weight of the world on his shoulders.

We didn't have Buttah (who has just celebrated his 2nd birthday) the cat. I was not thrilled with my daughter's act of defiance bringing Buttah into our small space in last summer. But I couldn't be more thrilled to have him here today. He's brought many hours of joy and huggy goodness. He, like the rest of us is watching his waistline (well, he isn't but he are) and is a tad cranky about the new feeding plan, but all is forgiven quickly enough.

The biggest change today over a year ago is I don't have a girlfriend. I am no longer in the throes of romance, the joys of anticipation, or the glow of . . . love. Oh, I'm still in love and I love her still, but as the nature of our relationship has changed, so too has our interaction. I miss her.

I am tired, yet energetic. I am driven to complete work-related tasks, yet feel scatterbrained and lost. I am positive and upbeat, yet weepy and low. I am, in the words of my lovely daughter, "a hot mess", or feel like it anyway.

My daughter, her ribbing aside (actually, part of her charm) has been a tower of strength. It could not have been easy for her to see me crumble. She hasn't seen it often and I think, not ever since she's been an adult. She's been great. She suggested we go speed-dating, "you know, just for fun...and material." (Daughter is an occasional contributor to a friend's cable access talk/variety show).

I'm working to maintain as I have goals to achieve and a life to live. I'm still tinkering with the details on just how that progresses from this point forward. But thanks to daughter, the kindness of a few friends, laughter, and even tears, forward, the star of this story, is within reach.


  1. You're a strong woman, and I've no doubt you have raised a strong daughter. I'm glad she's there for you.

    Buttah has been a nice (and blogworthy) addition to the family. Such a sweety.

    What's she bringing home next?

  2. I admire anyone who can keep sight of their personal goals and can have the presence of mind to remember they still do have a life to live even through their grief. I have never been able to be successful at that. I think of you almost everyday and wish you weren't having to deal with a painful breakup. You have no idea how badly I wished I could drop by and take you to coffee. I may be in Chicago this summer though, perhaps we could linger over dinner at that Russian place again. I would so love to see you again.


  3. Rootin' for you!

  4. Hang in there. I know it's the worst.
    That cat is beautiful.

  5. Oh, please, please, please go speed dating. Because yes, it would be a great blog post and yes, you could pull it off so wonderfully.

    And my word verification is um...furball.

  6. Yeah, I'm looking forward to that speed dating post... go. Run! Have fun!

    keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. You're gonna be ok.

  7. There is speed dating for lesbians? I'm so confused!

  8. Syd: I don't know what but whatever, I hope it's a lot less furry and handier with tools.

    Neen: I admit to making it up as I go along. I'm trying :) Meet you in Chicago, HOPE! YaY!

    Tiff, Kmae: Many thanks. Can use all the rootin' tootin' ya got.

    Maria, Val, Brown Girl: I don't know (yet) if there is speed-dating for lesbians (around here). Plus, I don't think daughter meant that specifically. I asked, "I'm gay and you're not, how would that work?" Clearly, she hadn't worked out all the details. ;)

  9. Whenever I hear the term "hot mess" I think of scrambled eggs with cheese and other whatevers that might come out of the fridge. All fried up and served with some kind of toasted bread.

    Hot mess is a good thing.


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