My younger brother's daughter graduates from elementary school in a few days. it will be yet another momentous occasion in her young life that he'll miss. I can't help but to think of our own father and all the events he missed. The only difference is, my brother committed crimes for which he was convicted that took him away from his children's lives. Our father segregation from our lives were not the result of criminal activity, but a crime none-the-less, I'd come to decide.
I've ruminated mightily over what to do, if anything, about my relationship with dad. One month I'm over being sad about his silence and another, I'm not. I am sometimes angry, sometimes resigned to the relationship that is ours, which is no relationship at all. I wonder if I have yet another push in me. I wonder if it will hurt as much if I write him again and doesn't write me back. I wonder if I can believe he loves me, when he won't even talk with me. I wonder if I can stop thinking it is indeed about me. I wonder if I can see his side. I wonder what is his side.
I wonder if it matters.
My younger brother's scheduled release date is yet another year away. By which time, his daughter (and son) will have celebrated some other momentous events. Hopefully, my younger brother will be able to find a way to invest himself in the lives of his children. Hopefully, his daughter (and/or son) aren't years from now wondering, what? how?
Does it matter?