Sunday, April 13, 2014

Inside Out

Spasmodic. If I had to ascribe one word to 1978 spasmodic comes the closest. During the first half I was seventeen and finishing my first year of college and during the second, eighteen and beginning the second (and ultimately, to date, my last) year of college. This work was produced in the midst of that. Which half? I don't remember, doesn't really matter because it was all .. . spasmodic.

At some point during 1978 I moved out of the rat, roach infested house my mom rented from "Mother" Allen, the meanest woman I'd met to that point. I was gone for several weeks before telling my mother where I'd moved--since she was powerless against my brothers and their enemies and I couldn't afford to have any of them them find me, harass me.

Talking about this time is still very difficult for me and I can't go further except to say, the ups and downs had ups and down . . . spasmodic. The Ups usually had to do with art; completing assignments, preparing to show and compete at fairs, thinking about which discipline to focus my efforts toward applying for admission to the respective department.

The piece shown above is one of the the very few pieces I have from that time, I sold or gave away nearly everything I created. This piece was resting in my portfolio. A few years ago, showing my daughter my work, I tok it out. My mother saw it, liked it, and offered to have it framed. One thing or another kept that from happening. I photographed it only a few days ago as I've just decided to get rid of it or alter it in some way.

Or not. I may put it back in the portfolio for a time, but either way, it has to get back out of sight, out of mind. For while it has been out in the open for some time now, I don't feel like I've really seen it, it has just sort of . . been. But, in recent days it seemed to be making noise, speaking to me, conjuring memories, good, bad, ugly, and . . . spasmodic.


11 comments:

  1. 1978 was a tough year for me as well. Although I had a couple of years on you. You were an impressive child, frankly, to take care of yourself that way. Well done, younger Only Daughter. Well done.

    I have to say it's a beautiful piece. When I look at it it brings to mind: another planet or world, a slice of burled wood, a bit of continent and oceans, the inner workings of some mysterious community, a map.

    Lovely.

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    1. I have my grandmother to thank for the mind of a survivor.

      Thank you for the grand compliment. A map...hmmm. :-)

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  2. It's a beautiful piece. I would love to see it in real life...

    Yes, put it back in your portfolio. If it is stirring up too much stuff, too triggering, too noisy, let it rest a while longer out of sight. It'll still be there when you feel better able to examine all of that.

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    1. e, I would love for you to see it in real life.

      Yes, I shall put it away and . . . well, and then we'll see.

      Thank you. :-)

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    1. (I erase that comment because my spelling finger was asleep. Let me try that again)
      This looks so three dimensional with all the hollows and lights-perhaps like a rare geode or knotted wood. Complexities. Don't destroy or alter right now. It might be a map that you need for healing other journeys. Just tell it to shut up right now, and you will be back later.

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    2. Hi Madame, it was an interesting process as I recall. Inks, rubber cement, heavyweight watercolor paper. it was fun.

      :-)

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  4. I was surprised that this piece could be framed - it looks so three dimensional to me. And primal. I am delighted that you are sharing some of your artwork here . . . and allowing some memories to wash over you. Being able to share on my blog gave me a safe opportunity to let some light into the dark places. Hopefully it will help you too. When you are ready.

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    1. Interesting how it photographs. The paper IS very heavy, and the rubber cement adds further to the texural qualities.

      . . . sharing. yes.

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  5. Very nice piece of abstract expressionism. I also think it looks three dimensional, a planetary landscape.

    Sometimes you just have to let the artwork be. It's finished, much like the past, which you can't alter.

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