“Your brother didn’t go home again Friday night and he’s taken his name and number off of the work van. What do you think that means?”
It means my brother is back to his old tricks; he is drugging, drinking, gambling, breaking & entering.
It means quite possibly inside of three months he will be in county lock-up, waiting for trial, which will result in his being sentenced to hard time-again.
It means his children, in all likihood, for better or worse, will complete their ascent to adult-hood without him.
It means I have reason to believe that it was my brother who broke into my apartment. It means that I am very reluctant to contact the detective for an update. It means that I’m hoping that when I do, he tells me the prints weren’t viable enough to run or that they didn’t match any in the system.
It means my seldom voiced predictions for his fall off the wagon were right on.
It means that I'd been hoping otherwise.
Finally, it means my mother knew all this when she asked the question, understanding that, it means the call was to spill her sadness and my role was simply to sop up the mess.
photo: (younger) brother age 13 & his dog "Queenie"
Man...that's so sad on so many levels. I hope it's not true. I'm sorry if it is.
ReplyDeleteNot festive!
ReplyDeleteIf the bible helps, I hope he gets back in it.
ReplyDeleteYours is an interesting family role, that's for sure.
Aw hell Deb, I am so sorry. What a difficult situation.
ReplyDeleteWhen I started reading, I thought this was a conversation between you and your daughter. As I finished, I heard in my head my friend Hitaji saying "Your silence doesn't protect you."
ReplyDeleteI think there are so many levels to this that the conversations going on inside your head about it might make you nuts. In a way, it is comforting to know it was not a stranger, but so much sadder that it was not.
Journal through it whether publicly or privately and stay sane about it.
xo
Drugs and alcohol destroy so many lives. I am sorry you have to experience the destruction first hand. Do what you can to take care of yourself.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to have someone in the family that you love, but know you can't trust. It must be harder that it's your very own brother.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry. I've been in a similar situation and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
ReplyDeleteThinkin' good thoughts for you.
I know what it is like to have an addicted sibling, D.
ReplyDeleteBe strong... and if reading the Bible doesn't help his behavior.... take the Bible and smack him over the head with it... hard.
Oh man! That is awful. How scary to have a stranger break into your house. How much scarier to know it's someone you know.
ReplyDeleteBeen there, done that, wiped the tears from my face with the T-shirt. My condolences. It's heartbreaking to know that movie is playing again, and the only choice you have is not to witness or engage with it.
ReplyDeleteDeborah...so sorry to read this. I will think of you and know you'll find the strength to deal, as you do.
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts are with you.