This is the time of year when we (as a collective) tend to think about resolutions and the like, in one way or another. Some of for 'em and make them. Some are agin 'em and don't make them. Some are on the fence, don't feel strongly either way but will allow that breaking into a new year warrants . . something.
And some, don't. Anything.
Though I haven't used the word I have, at year's end (or the very beginning) over the past several, written of things that I wanted, hoped, resolved to accomplish or at the very least, try making some headway toward achievement. Some disciplines have been put in place, some headway has been achieved.
But, by-and-large, I am not where I resolved to be in most of the areas.
It has been a challenging few years; both parents dying within months of one another, a lay-off after 30+ years of steady, gainful--solid middle class--employment, several months of unemployment, several months of unemployment masquerading as sales (100% commission) and several months (and counting) of working earning less than half of the pre-layoff salary.
Challenges. It has been difficult staying on task (any task). Grief takes a toll. Eagle-eyeing a budget, robbing Peter to pay Paul, takes a toll. Crossing all fingers and toes that not another thing breaks or otherwise needs replacing, takes a toll. Trying to keep up with preventative maintenance on such a slim margin, takes a toll. Lack of a particular brand of companionship, takes a toll. Being the leader, takes a toll.
Still, I managed to write a letter a month over this past year. I posted
31 more times in 2015 than 2014. I crafted 2 more holiday greetings this year over last. I filled 4 pages in a sketchbook. I practised Spanish. I studied and have earned a couple of certificates in the medical terminology and medical billing programs. I colored pages in my Celtic Mandala pattern book.
On the other hand, I am still a good 40 pounds from my goal weight, inconsistent with steps, lazy approach to food--which usually results to less than positive choices. I have much more purging and organizing in both my physical and virtual worlds, to do. And then there are the home maintenance and improvement projects.
It isn't just the lack of funds, but that is factor. Challenges.
So, I will resolve to try. I will endeavor to maintain the disciplines established. I will work to improve the track record toward positive changes. I will try to remain on task toward finishing some things and thinking about how I may stay present in the day-to-day. I will try to not fret over results. I will try to focus on taking the steps, picking up the pen (or whatever tool) and just doing the thing--whatever the thing is in any given moment, on any given day. I will try to avoid becoming overwhelmed with the weight of it all.
Long story short, I will try to keep on keeping on, do whatever it is in my power to have more yay and fewer nay days.
May the force . . yada x3.
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