Saturday, February 16, 2013

Weak(en)ed Update

February 13th 2013 was to have been the first appointment with the oncologist (since the diagnosis). The first treatment.  It was my goal to get answers to questions, an understanding of the plan for attack, and some sense of assurance . . .

But we never made it to the appointment. I arrived at mom's very early that Wednesday morning to find her weak, barely responsive,                                  
                                                   
and just . .  worn.

It didn't take long to realize another trip to the ER was in our very immediate future. The paramedics arrived within moments of the 911 call and she was in the ER within moments after that. And several moments into that visit, mom declared loud and clear, no more!

No more tests. No treatment for the infection, whatever the cause. No chemo.

Nothing.

Several (hundred) thousand anguished moments later, transportation to hospice care was arranged.

And that is where she is today. Tired, but comfortable and content.

Ready.

The mass, I am told (now) is (very) large.

Mom was (apparently) sparring with herself to find out if there was any extrafight present to  partner with the fibromyalgia, osteo-arthritis, and other battles already in the ring. On that early Wednesday morning when she was too weak to stand, unable to tend to her most basic need, and became overwhelmed by the smallest of details, the internal sparring came to an end.

 NO  MORE!

Coherent. Cogent. Convinced.

Nourishment, oxygen, and a drug to help the labored breathing (so she can rest) . . . comfort care has been the order of the last few days.

My older brother will arrive soon.

  



9 comments:

  1. Aw Deb, I was there once a long time ago... know that I am keeping her and YOU in my heart.

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  2. Anonymous10:00 PM

    Oh I am very sorry. But I'm sure you must in some ways be relieved she was able to make this very serious decision coherently by herself. What a beautiful gift to you. And very loving.

    KMae

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  3. I didn't use to understand not fighting. But now I get it. Love and peace D. To you and your entire family.

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  4. I am so sorry... I hope I have the will to be as strong as your mom. Hug for you. And for her.

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  5. Echoing Celery's sentiments, and I will be keeping you in my thoughts to ask for continued strength and grace for you both.

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  6. I am sitting here crying:
    for bravery
    for comfort
    for love
    for daughters and mothers
    for witnessing strength
    for the desire to be able to do something
    and the knowledge there isn't anything I can do
    except to tell you I am here, I care, and,like Madame, I am keeping you and your mom and your family in my thoughts.

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  7. Cheryl5:13 AM

    I am so sorry! I went thru the same 4 years ago in May with my mom. You are both in my thoughts and prayers!!

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  8. xoxxoxo

    Thinking of you...

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