Sunday, March 10, 2013

Checking In

Dear friends,

Thank you so much for checking in with me and your continued and generous support. I am, in a word, tired. I am many other things too. But the tiredness is pervasive. The tiredness is threatening to consume me. Some days, the tiredness thwarts my progress and messes with my mind.  

Thwart progressing and mind messing are not options for there is a shit-load of stuff to get done.

The business of taking care of my mother's business is, in a word . . . 

don't even have a word. From clearing out the apartment, to purging papers, sorting memorabilia, making (and receiving) calls, writing notes, filling out forms, and . . . remembering, re-living those< moments. 

If there is a word that describes the last three weeks it is . . .   


These last three weeks and all that they have entailed have felt out-of-body-ish, just not right, not me, not what I should be doing or what is supposed to be happening. 

But it is real. It is happening and it all is so very. . . 


Still, in the face of all that feels surreal, that is which is making me oh, so very tired,  I am putting one foot in front of the other, doing the hokey-pokey and turning myself around. 

'Cause that's what it is all about. 

Or am I mistaken? 


  1. Oh Deb...I didn't know. I'm so sorry. Take care of you. And if you need a shoulder, mine are pretty broad. I know what it's like. It seems like just yesterday that I lost my Mom. ((HUGS))

  2. It's a process. An exhausting one, but one that will not be denied. Just take it slow, take it easy, and know that you are not alone.


  3. You're doing fine. We all love you and are sending thoughts of strength and power to you to get you and yours through this time of unreal drudgery.

    Because that's what it is. Mourning is shoved aside in favor of 'taking care of things,' and once that's done you'll be free to deal with everything else.

    Blessings to you, and peace.

  4. Deb,

    So sorry to hear of your Mom's passing- I have not been as attentive to the goings on in cyberspace these past few weeks. Unfortunately, I can relate so well, my own Mom's journey was 11 short days from diagnosis to passing.

    Rest, and know that you are loved, that you did all you could do, and that it was enough. xoxo

  5. I'm thinking about you kiddo!

  6. When Bing's Mother died, it took us MONTHS to clean out her house. She was a hoarder (and I see signs of it now in Bing and it terrifies me...), not as bad as the TV version, but close. She had things like 40 sandwich bags full of safety pins. She had every single gift certificate that anyone had ever given her, never used, dated back to the 80's. When we finally finished going through it all...Bing and her twin brother and sisters were just clawing with rage at each other. She's been dead for 4 years and there are still reverberations. Something has happened to Bing to, though. She and her Mother were never close, in fact they fought a lot. But, now...when she talks about her, it is with a sort of sweet nostalgia. I think, that no matter what...we always miss our mothers. And you and your mother were fairly close, yes? will need a lot of time. Tell yourself that nothing has to be done in a day. And when you feel yourself at a breaking point, step away and take yourself to a movie or out to dinner. Do something for you.

  7. I hear you. Stressful things are exhausting and what you're doing and experiencing right now is stressful. Please know I'm thinking about you.

  8. xoxoxooxoxoxox

    Hang in there...


  9. Anonymous1:53 PM

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  10. my mom was as organized as you can get. and her death was not sudden - even still there is so much to do.
    it took all four of us (me/wife, brother/wife) a year to get it all taken care of ...what with clearing the house, selling the house, handling of the estate, and taxes, and trust funds, and her cat...and - its been just over 2 years and i am still managing the trust funds. seems endless....
    hang in there - you have lots of us who know what you are going through.

  11. You all are the bees knees. And yes, hanging in. Thank you for your kind and generous words.


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