Sunday, December 08, 2013

Baby, It's Cold

cold weather cat

Most days I want to cry all the time. When I do cry I feel guilty and ashamed. When I don't, I feel the same. Most days I want to cry all the time, especially when it is cold.

It is cold now.

Most days I want to cry all the time. When I do cry I pretend it is because of something sad I saw, read, or heard. I deliberately seek the sad for a reason, because I think I need a reason, beyond the reason that is my reason. Most days I want to cry all the time, especially when it is cold.

It is cold now.

Most days I want to cry all the time. Beyond not feeling festive, I want to cry out loud. You know that feeling. Your chest heaves, your throat swells...you've seen a cat getting ready to vomit...it looks, feels like that. All. The. Time. Most days I want to cry all the time, especially when it is cold.

It is cold now.

Most days, I don't feel like working. I don't feel like playing. I don't feel like writing. I don't feel like drawing. I don't even feel like reading. Reading is everything. Reading is life ....I don't feel like...yeah, life.
Most days I want to cry all the time. Especially when it is cold.

I'm not saying I want my life over, I'm saying I don't have the energy for something more than what is at present.  I'm saying, most days I feel like crying all the time and that this feeling (not to mention the actual crying) is preventing much of anything else. It isn't the feeling like crying, but the reason . . . plural.

I'm saying especially when it is cold. And it is cold. Now.

14 comments:

  1. I think there are are so many out there who feel EXACTLY as you do. Holidays are just hard. And the cold. I DETEST snow. We had our first snow today and I wanted to smack everyone at the grocery store who told me how pretty it was.

    Cold makes everything harder. But, something worse is at work here than the cold. Missing your Mother? Too many changes in too fast succession? Whatever the cause, my hand is over my heart for you.

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    1. Yes. Yes. Too many, yes.
      ♥ you. Thank you.

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  2. I find that when I am sad, I just sit with it for as long as it takes. And, like you, I often find ways to make myself feel the sadness at the most intense level I can. I'm not sure if I think that speeds the process or that misery just feels more miserable that way.

    I don't know what is causing all your pain but please know that I am holding you in my heart and sending you lots of warm and healing energy.

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    1. I try (am trying) a few things and for parts of some days, they work. I thank you for the warm, it shall come in quite handy today/tonight. ♥ ♥ ♥

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  3. You mean the world to me. I'm sorry things are sad at the moment. Sometimes I don't think I know why sometimes I do. And sometimes it takes walking through it to get to the other side, which, in my case, is done completely gracelessly, more often than not.

    I do believe there's an other side. For all of us.

    I wish we were close so we could meet for tea and cry in our teacups together.

    I don't know what is piling on you or if you even know what it is ... but know I'm out here and I care about you and I want only the best for you. I'm sending lots of love your way.

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    1. e & ink, it means the world to me that you're here. The meeting for tea would be glorious. I've been trying to get one of local pals out but she's a busy lady-will keep trying. I will work through this time and will find the other side. Feeling the love. ♥ ♥ ♥

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  4. I'm with you. The crying and the apathy. The cold just makes everything worse. I'm going to make a cup of tea right now and send you some positive intentions. We'll get through this... somehow, some day.

    xoxo

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    1. Tea has been prevalent these last few days and more today as the cold is epic today. I agree, we will, somehow, some day. Know that my thoughts are with you as well. ♥ ♥

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  5. I hear you. I'm the same age, same annoying hormone upheaval time. I wish you warmth (and have a *hug*!)
    Jess x

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    1. Jess, thanks for coming by and even more, taking the time to speak to me. I receive your hug with glee. Right back atcha.

      ♥ ♥

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  6. I'm sorry you're feeling low. Please know that someone on the other side of the world empathises and sympathises -- you're not alone. Oddly, I was thinking of Longfellow's poem "The Rainy Day" during my walk today, in which is that famous line "Into each life some rain must fall". But there is another line in it which is just as true: "Cease repining; Behind the clouds is the sun still shining". Blessed Christmas season :)

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    1. @Bikbik and Roro Thank you for visiting and for your kind words.

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  7. I thought that I was reading a poem just now. I realized it really was a poem about how wanting to cry when you don't want to cry feels. I felt it all. I am sorry than I have not been in lately. I have also wanted to cry especially when it's cold. Thinking of you, I have just been kind of inarticulate here lately.

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    1. I've been thinking about you, wandered over to your place and wondered . . .

      I'm happy to hear from you.

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