Friday, March 09, 2007

Don't Fret

Over a week ago, the email was drafted, refined, proofed and proofed again. Nervous about the implications and the results, I fussed and debated.

I began in a familiar fashion, "Hey Lady D", and with common grounds, our respective daughters and then sons. The topic of work, always safe but fertile territory provided the buffer for what was to come next.

On another front, I have something to tell you about me. For the past several years, most of my life really, but more profoundly in the past several years, I’ve experienced attractions to women. I suppressed it, buried it, dismissed it. I don’t want, can’t do that anymore. Last June I came out to M and D. I have yet to tell my mother, but that day is coming. I just wanted to clear this off, kinda like a 12-step, -hehehe- I’d hope we might have had a chance to get together for lunch or something, but our respective lives are working against us on the front.

I paste Synopsis and finish by saying how I’m hoping to find a woman with whom to share the rest of my life. I wish her family well.

Satisfied, I click send. And then I wait.

I wait for a return email, a phone call, a card or letter. I wait for acknowledgment. I wait for acceptance. I wait, not knowing, how she’ll react, how she will reply or even if she will. I wait for silence. I have experience with waiting for silence.

Six days. Six days later her address is one of the Incoming messages in my box. With some trepidation and nervousness, I open the mail. Following my pattern, she begins in a familiar fashion, "Hey Gurl" and onward with daughter, son and then work. She uses her upcoming adventure to Spain as the buffer. And then the verdict. I read the entire next section twice. I flash and hold onto snippets, thank you for sharing, glad you did, only want happiness for you.

"Discovery will give you peace of mind when acceptance is embraced. Much Love, D"

And with that my oldest friend is in, on board. She shares in my full discovery, full disclosure. Fullness of life.

18 comments:

  1. Congratulations hon! That is freakin awesome news! Out is a wonderful place to be! (((HUGS)))

    ReplyDelete
  2. Congratulations, Deborah! I know how hard that is. Everytime we come out to someone it's nerve-wracking.

    D sounds like a very good friend. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. She's a real friend, all right.
    Out is good. Acceptance by friends is essential. I'm glad for you.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Now is the time when you find out who your true friends are. One down... a few to go.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh yay!!! That's wonderful!!! :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. i came out to a friend of mine via email and she waited three days to write/talk to me. i went crazy in those three days. i understand what you went through. and you went through it longer! i'm glad you got the support you needed. she wouldn't be your friend otherwise!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Lady D is definitely on the true friend list. Now you need to go shopping where your son shops to find the right woman with spam and vodka in her cart.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Great guts, girl. And, of course, you know only the finest people!

    Congrats!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Beautiful, Deborah. So nice to receive the open acceptance and validation from those we care most about. :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Excellent, I'm happy for you.

    ReplyDelete
  11. This is great!! I wonder if she kinda knew it all along.

    ReplyDelete
  12. that totally rawks.

    congratulations!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Well, thank GOD!
    Damn.
    What takes them SO long to write & call back to those of us who bare our souls??? Maybe because it isn't all that big a deal to them as it is to us!

    ReplyDelete
  14. 6 days? She must have some hella-full in-box!

    Still, nice words to hear, no?

    ReplyDelete
  15. That is wonderful about coming out to your friend Deborah! You must be so relieved. I think the relationship never feels truthful until this is known and accepted does it? Telling my old friends was even more difficult than telling my mum!
    Hope this comment loads... Often I find my comments never appear on your blog :-(

    ReplyDelete

Hi! Your visit is much appreciated.