Round UP

While Sleeping 

1. With daughter's birthday (23 days) coming and this loosely planned series (posted to FB) of micro-celebrations I've been looking at a lot of photos, bringing up a lot of memories, a lot of "feels."  Thus staying on an even keel has been a bit of a challenge. 

2. And staying on an even keel is vital given the medical terminology, medical billing, and ICD-10 CM proficiency lessons and testing. Cleared the first hurdle as far as the proficiency testing. I felt pretty good when I saw my score. I felt like break dancing. I didn't, of course. 

3. School is back in session which means there are students on the buses during my commute. This is not a cheerful happenstance. Students (okay, not all but some) are obnoxious. And loud. (Not all, I said). 

4. Something happened with our daffodils this season. Not just in my yard, but the entire neighborhood, possibly the town. I haven seen many blooms but precious few daffodils. 

5. Pancakes are awesome. French toast even more so. Noting trumps an omelet (esp. Greek) though. 

Re Invent?

bklynboihood.tumblr.com

You know the problem with purging? You inevitably bump against things that spark memories; good and bad. Things that ignite debate; again, good and bad. Things that bring about a paralyzing numbness.  This, is most often bad for numbness certainly serves to impact that, "putting one foot in front of the other" method to tamping out . . shit.  

As difficult and troubling it has been both physically and emotionally, to begin was necessary and to continue, even more so. 

Thus, the project lives. 

Permission has been granted to move methodically. Or haphazardly. A quick dump. Or a more deliberate study and sort. There is no deadline. The freedom created by the structure-less structure eases the anxiety (a bit) and cures the nausea (some). 

Re-invent? At this juncture it is more about re-discovery. Or . . . recovery. 

One step: it is okay to be able to see the floor of the closet. 

Thought You'd Like To Know

A. I wasn't remiss in posting pics of the cat (either of them) all dressed up. That phenomenon has yet to take place. When or if, you'll be so apprised.

B. The dog. diva that she is suffers in silence with the dresses, sweaters, polo shirts, head gear (antlers**I'm sure I posted a pic, but can't remember when, or the tag, or anything. Ah well) and hair-dos. Right now she's sporting a kind of top knot thingy. I'll try to get her to strike a pose. So far, she hasn't been very accommodating.

C. I have a new, new recruit. She is a dream compared to the previous new and though I didn't know the second new well, this new seems to out-distance her in experience, logic, and demeanor. It has only been a couple of weeks, but so far so . . . fantastic!

D. I read a Dr. Suess quote some time ago that continues to speak for me: "Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened."

And a question: Drinkable yogurt. Yay or Nay?

Don't Fret

Over a week ago, the email was drafted, refined, proofed and proofed again. Nervous about the implications and the results, I fussed and debated.

I began in a familiar fashion, "Hey Lady D", and with common grounds, our respective daughters and then sons. The topic of work, always safe but fertile territory provided the buffer for what was to come next.

On another front, I have something to tell you about me. For the past several years, most of my life really, but more profoundly in the past several years, I’ve experienced attractions to women. I suppressed it, buried it, dismissed it. I don’t want, can’t do that anymore. Last June I came out to M and D. I have yet to tell my mother, but that day is coming. I just wanted to clear this off, kinda like a 12-step, -hehehe- I’d hope we might have had a chance to get together for lunch or something, but our respective lives are working against us on the front.

I paste Synopsis and finish by saying how I’m hoping to find a woman with whom to share the rest of my life. I wish her family well.

Satisfied, I click send. And then I wait.

I wait for a return email, a phone call, a card or letter. I wait for acknowledgment. I wait for acceptance. I wait, not knowing, how she’ll react, how she will reply or even if she will. I wait for silence. I have experience with waiting for silence.

Six days. Six days later her address is one of the Incoming messages in my box. With some trepidation and nervousness, I open the mail. Following my pattern, she begins in a familiar fashion, "Hey Gurl" and onward with daughter, son and then work. She uses her upcoming adventure to Spain as the buffer. And then the verdict. I read the entire next section twice. I flash and hold onto snippets, thank you for sharing, glad you did, only want happiness for you.

"Discovery will give you peace of mind when acceptance is embraced. Much Love, D"

And with that my oldest friend is in, on board. She shares in my full discovery, full disclosure. Fullness of life.