Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Surprised? Yes, Maybe A Little -Take 2-

I’m a Lesbian. I’m a lesbian. I’m a lesbian. I’m a lesbian. I AM A L E S B I A N.

Surprised? No, of course you’re not. I came out…here on my blog, after coming out to my son and daughter. Those who know me from the blog and the few who have met me in person have only known me as such. (Oh, there were a few months where my status was…not specified, but it was such a short time, it is nearly forgotten).


I came out here. I “dated” on-line and told you some of those tales. I met and dated seriously for nearly two years my lady love and told you some of those tales. I AM A LESBIAN.

That IS my identity here.


That IS my identity in my home I’m a lesbian.

But, beyond that, my status is . . . not specified.

I’ve been feeling the need to put a face on my lesbian status, to give that status a live, in real-time, voice. I’ve been feeling the need to let those who know me as otherwise, know my truth and nothing but the truth.


I am emboldened by my reading, blogging, support of those who’ve commented (& subsequent emails) not to mention, the fantastic support of the lovely ladies I’ve met face-to-face. And certainly knowing and loving Neta has provided yet another level to that courage. But, having had zero connection to any facet of “the family” here in my own backyard, so to speak, on that level I feel . . . alone.

(Note to QM: IF mom had asked, I would have answered, truthfully, honestly).


You’re probably saying, “But Deborah, you are so strong, so confident, so lesbian”, how could this be?

I FEEL strong, confident and certainly lesbian, especially here, on-line. I also FEEL strong, confident and certainly lesbian when I’m in like company. But, as I said, I have had zero connection to any facet of “the family” here in my corner of the world.


In a sense, I am alone. And, I’m basically shy.

However, to remedy that alone feeling I’ve scurried up the gumption to attend a Women Like Me meeting at our local GLBT Association, this past weekend.

There, I met 13 women, like me who are married, separated, divorced and/or coming OUT later in life. Thirteen women who are all working to give real-time voice to their truth and to live that truth, openly, honestly and in every corner of their lives.


One of the 13 women I met at the meeting is a woman I’d met before under other circumstances. She is in her fifties and has just come out to her husband and children. She and I met through D, who is not aware of this woman’s truth. She asked me not to reveal as she’s not quite ready.

I understood. I agreed. I am no longer alone.


And soon enough I’ll be living openly, honestly in every corner of my world.

13 comments:

  1. That is SO great, Deborah! Good for you. Sometimes the scariest steps lead to the safest of places, right?!!

    Looking forward to hearing more about your journey.

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  2. Strength? You got it.

    Be proud!

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  3. congratulations!

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  4. I can't even imagine how difficult it must be. You know my friend Nina came out later in life, while married. I watched her struggle so hard to make sense of things and be true to herself.

    I admire your resolve and wish you the very best of luck.

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  5. I am soooo excited for you! I know that feeling of being unconnected to "the family" in real time. G and I have decided to investigate several gay friendly churches around the valley. I am not altogether certain that God knows or cares I am alive but it might help our social circle.

    I can't wait to hear about your new friendships in the future.

    love love
    neen

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  6. That sounds awesome. I'm glad things are coming together and you are getting out. It won't be long before I'll have to find a new Saturday night laundry date. :-)

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  7. Good for you Deb! I wish you all the stregnth and happiness on your journey - it can be full of surprising delights!

    Enjoy!

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  8. Good for you! It takes courage and strength... you've got both!

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  9. Quite a journey. Good for you for hooking up w/the local GLBT group of women. I used to facilitate a group like that in my town -- and it can be an amazing help on such a journey.

    Oh, and Zumba? I've heard scary things about that. Hope your home version works. It's hit my gym w/a vengeance but I'm too klutzy to give it a go...

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  10. What a great idea! I'm so glad you have a sense of community now.

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