Monday, December 31, 2012

Back, NO ForwarD

This post was pondered for hours over the course of many days. Well, not this post, but a post in its place. For the post I'd been pondering had to do with loss; the loss of a girlfriend, an aunt, an uncle, other relatives, and our beloved Diamond, not to mention losses suffered by the nation, the world.

As of December 27th Chicago had booked 500 murders for 2012.

But in the pondering, moreover, in the writing (or rather, the staring at the blank screen) I decided not to dwell on the losses of this or any other year (except or unless it has to do with weight--which is a whole other post). I'd rather focus on the gains (again, not weight) or rather, the good over the bad.

I'd rather be the opposite of my mother who is very much about the tragic, the loss, the bad. Who sends me Christmas greetings, thank you and thinking of you notes that include the most recent illness, accident, or death as well as another tidbit about her final journey. The organization that will receive her brain (upon her death, of course) will indeed pay for the transport of her corpse.

Ain't that good news?!

Oh, don't get me wrong, I very much appreciate the foresight, the pre-planning, the taking care of business aspect of her eventual demise for I know without such instructions and plans in place my brothers will be at my door (should we all still be around) making all kinds of demands about what should (or shouldn't) be (despite ignoring her "live and in-person needs" for most of the past 30 years.)  I just don't need to talk about it. I have the papers, the contact numbers, the list of instructions. I understand, do not have any questions, and don't need to discuss her final journey (anymore.)

So yes, while I we have suffered many losses this year, feeling each one deeply, extensively, and for what has felt like an eternity, while trying NOT to. Or rather, trying to mask that desperation. I have been (more, lately) endeavoring to dwell on the gains, the positives, the goodness from this year, for it wasn't ALL bad. I am working to re-train my brain to focus on the promise of each new day,  new chances to turn tides, change directions, alter outcomes. I am re-dedicating myself to . . . well, me. Mind, body, and overall me for me, for you, for our nation, for the world at large.

And for Cinnamon who came bounding into my life unexpectedly but most thankfully.

Happy New Day, Happy New Year to one, to All!


 











9 comments:

  1. and a Happy New Year to you! Hoping 2013 treats you gently.

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  2. Wishing much joy in 2013!

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  3. I have an Aunt like that. In her Christmas card she informed me that she now has to drive everywhere because my Uncle's sight is failing so badly. She said, "We're 85 now, ready to go see all our family and friends. More in heaven now than here on earth. Merry Christmas!"

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  4. Only D. I have known people who upon opening their daily papers, search immediately for the obituaries of people they might know. Happy New Year any way, in spite of , because of.

    PS. Cinnamon no longer looks like a baby hound. She is a beautiful dog and probably knows her purpose in your heart.

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  5. @ Tiff: Thanks you. Indeed.

    @ NCP: Thank you.

    @ Maria: Oh. Joy.

    @ Madame: So have I. My mom is a collector of obits (to funerals she's attended and otherwise). Thank You!

    PS: Cinnamon suffered through her first (partial) hair cut. She is sporting tight curls on her body now. Her head / neck is still pretty full because she couldn't sit still any longer. Hopefully by the end of the week we will have achieved a more uniformed grooming, at which point, pics will be snapped. :)

    Thank You.

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  6. I appreciate the direction you are headed, D. Good for you. I will join you in that endeavor.

    Happy, happy new year... yes? Yes!

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  7. While I am sorry to hear of your losses this year (I do want to acknowledge them) I also understand where you are with all of it.

    Your pup looks gorgeous, as does your heart. :)

    Happy new year.

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  8. I suppose it's natural that as we start the over 50 plunge we pile up more losses beyond our control.

    I recently read an interview with Willie Nelson in Texas Monthly and he was asked if he thinks about death especially after losing some very good friends within the past few years. He said he doesn't. Because what's the point? Then again, he's Willie and Willie is the chillest dude on earth.

    That guy who wrote "You've got to accentuate the positive
    Eliminate the negative
    And latch on to the affirmative
    Don't mess with Mister In-Between"... yeah, he's dead.

    But better to not mess with Mister In-Between.

    Your pups is such a doodle dog. Very cute and doodly.

    Here's to a grand new year with lots of cheer!

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  9. @e: YES on all counts. :)

    @ em: Thank you on all counts. :)

    @ elf: HIYA!! If it weren't for my mom I'd never think about death except when confronted with it (via news of someone's timely or untimely . . . )

    She is a doodle dog..even with less "doodly" hair. The tight curls are so...well, they take some getting used to.

    And YES Cheers! to a grand NEW year with lots of CHEER!!!

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