Saturday, March 29, 2014

It Began. It ContinUes.

sellf portrait 
Eight years and eight hundred and thirty one posts ago Middle Girl came into being; the companion piece for the journey of my life.

In the eight years of Middle Girl I saw my son graduate from college and  begin his career. He earned his first paycheck as an actor during his freshman year and has since, devoted his day-to-day to the pursuit of acting and related endeavors. His shift from treating acting as a career rather than a hobby changed him in ways that continue to manifest.

In the eight years of Middle Girl I saw my daughter become even more resolute in her pursuit of that which will make her happiest. She has worn a few educational and occupational hats in these eight years and is in the midst of more changes at this very moment. No matter where her life was, where it is, or where it is going, my daughter's core remains intact. She is a passionate young woman who works hard. She hasn't always made the best choices but continues to make the best of the choices made.

In the eight years of Middle Girl I have revealed my lesbianism to my son and daughter, community of bloggers and eventually, my mother. That revelation and the subsequent journey led me to the two women who at some point possessed my heart. While both relationships and the emotional holds are long gone both women remain close to my heart,  for the experiences they provided and what I learned about myself through those experiences and their respective gifts.

In the eight years of Middle Girl a career ended, another began and that, abandoned for a different style of opportunity. Each event taking a piece of me away but adding a component in its place. No matter what I'm doing to keep the lights on I remain committed to the goal: Work Hard. Do Good. Be Incredible. The current opportunity will allow time and space for community. And that was a major impetus for making the change.

Within the eight years of Middle Girl my dad died. And a few months later, my mom died. Long separated, to have lost them both within months, of the same disease, brought them together for me in a way the decades couldn't manage. My dad and I had been mostly estranged until the year prior to his death. We made our peace even as we didn't see eye-to-eye on the Yahweh, Jehovah, what-have-you front.

My mom has always been, will always be, in my bones. We were together every day of her life, right until the very end. And while we had our disagreements and skirmishes over the years, she loved me like no one else has nor ever will. She was fierce in her devotion to me (and my brothers) despite often disagreeing with our respective approaches to our lives and loves. She worked to impart the benefit of her experiences and tried to give us what she felt we missed not having our dad in our lives.

And in spite of being a dyed-in-the-wool christian she gave me space to release the atheism I'd internalized for years. She, unlike my dad, didn't try to (re-recruit) me. She didn't totally understand since I was raised christian and she remained concerned for my soul, but she didn't haarangue me. About that, anyway.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

In the eight years of Middle Girl I made some lovely connections beyond the ladies previously noted; In the beginning of my blogging days there was a community of lesbian bloggers who welcomed me with open arms. And while most have stopped blogging, a few remain friends. Thanks to blogging I continue to meet inspirational, wonderful, entertaining, and engaging women.

Each year brought its own set of challenges, none more than last. The losses, the forced changes, the emotional and physical toll, the . . . everything was just so damn hard. And while I worked to work, keep an upbeat attitude, keep on with the business of "keeping on" it was so. damn. hard. and remains so, though, not quite as . . .

sharp.

In part, thanks to Middle Girl and what producing this space requires of me.

Thank you to all those who have visited in the past, who continue to visit, and to those who will visit down the road...for Middle Girl will continue. For another eight years? Remains to be seen. But for now, and the foreseeable future, I am embracing this companion on this journey of a life.

18 comments:

  1. I have felt honored, and touched, by your words and revelations over much of the past years you've been here. Glad you are here. Glad you are who you are.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lori: Getting to know you through your blog and OBG has been supremely epic for me and in part, why I'm here today. So, thank you.

      Delete
  2. Keep on a-going, in the end the reward is in the doing. What changes a few years can bring!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I intend to as alas, gardening is no longer in the mix and biking season is getting shorter and shorter every year.

      Delete
  3. "She hasn't always made the best choices but continues to make the best of the choices made." I think if all of us lived our lives this way, we would be strong and fierce and mostly happy! Great work on your blog and on your life!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sissy, agreed. And, thanks for the compliment. I was so thrilled to see your post. I haven't been able to read and comment (yet). But it is a'comin' :-)

      Delete
  4. Being a late joiner to your journey, it is nice to read this recap. I am so happy you are going to continue to blog because I have enjoyed getting to know you and hope to learn and share your struggles and victories and challenges.

    Here's to another 831 posts!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I may be a no-commenting slacker - but I love to read your blog - keep going! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you NCP, I shall! :-)

      Delete
  6. As a fellow Middle Girl and Only Daughter, I salute you! Congratulations on the length and breadth of your blogging and thank you so much for sharing the journey with us. I will continue reading as long as you continue to post.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. e, thank you for coming around, staying around and speaking up. I welcome the company. :-)

      Delete
  7. 8 years Deborah? wow, sometimes I am afraid I won't make another day on the blog :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It feels like hardly any time at all. Some days. :-)

      Delete
  8. I am one that is very happy to have met you during your eight year journey. Hoping that I can continue to peek in on you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Please do. Your presence is welcome. :-)

      Delete
  9. Anonymous9:25 PM

    Holy Cow...I can't believe it has been 8 years...wow...just wow. Even though I'm no longer a blogger I'm glad we stay in touch. We shared a lot of experiences in common last year...each day makes us stronger and hopefully wiser. I've enjoyed the journey and look forward to many more. WE must get together again very soon and go to Greek Town for some OOMPA!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, we simply MUST!!

      Me too, glad. And yes, stronger. :-)

      Delete

Hi! Your visit is much appreciated.