Bringing in the New/s

This is the time of year when we (as a collective) tend to think about resolutions and the like, in one way or another. Some of for 'em and make them. Some are agin 'em and don't make them. Some are on the fence, don't feel strongly either way but will allow that breaking into a new year warrants . . something.

And some, don't. Anything.

Though I haven't used the word I have, at year's end (or the very beginning) over the past several, written of things that I wanted, hoped, resolved to accomplish or at the very least, try making some headway toward achievement. Some disciplines have been put in place, some headway has been achieved.

But, by-and-large, I am not where I resolved to be in most of  the areas.

It has been a challenging few years; both parents dying within months of one another, a lay-off after 30+ years of steady, gainful--solid middle class--employment, several months of unemployment, several months of unemployment masquerading as sales (100% commission) and several months (and counting) of working earning less than half of the pre-layoff salary.

Challenges. It has been difficult staying on task (any task). Grief takes a toll. Eagle-eyeing a budget, robbing Peter to pay Paul, takes a toll. Crossing all fingers and toes that not another thing breaks or otherwise needs replacing, takes a toll. Trying to keep up with preventative maintenance on such a slim margin, takes a toll. Lack of a particular brand of companionship, takes a toll. Being the leader, takes a toll.

Still, I managed to write a letter a month over this past year. I posted 30
31 more times in 2015 than 2014. I crafted 2 more holiday greetings this year over last. I filled 4 pages in a sketchbook. I practised Spanish. I studied and have earned a couple of certificates in the medical terminology and medical billing programs. I colored pages in my Celtic Mandala pattern book.
On the other hand, I am still a good 40 pounds from my goal weight, inconsistent with steps, lazy approach to food--which usually results to less than positive choices.  I have much more purging and organizing in both my physical and virtual worlds, to do. And then there are the home maintenance and improvement projects.

It isn't just the lack of funds, but that is factor. Challenges.

So, I will resolve to try. I will endeavor to maintain the disciplines established. I will work to improve the track record toward positive changes. I will try to remain on task toward finishing some things and thinking about how I may stay present in the day-to-day. I will try to not fret over results. I will try to focus on taking the steps, picking up the pen (or whatever tool) and just doing the thing--whatever the thing is in any given moment, on any given day. I will try to avoid becoming overwhelmed with the weight of it all.

Long story short, I will try to keep on keeping on, do whatever it is in my power to have more yay and fewer nay days.

May the force  . . yada x3.

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Brunch with Aunts

These lovely ladies are two of my mom's four remaining sisters. Mom was the middle girl between them. Closest to us geographically throughout my growing up, mom spent a lot of time with them for they were closer to each other than with the other (many) siblings. Seeing them, speaking to them brings back so many fond (and some not so fond, but that's family) memories. 

The three had a tradition of gathering around Christmas, eating, drinking, laughing and just being sisters, friends.This year I was invited to share in an evening of talk, frivolity, food, and more. I was hesitant to accept the invite for I miss my mom more when I am in their company. But, I also miss my mom less when I am in their company. I suspect the same is true for them. That realization sealed the deal. 

It was so much fun.  

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One Hour and Thirty Minutes

Two Boys in A Box 

The one-way AM commute, using the best route takes one hour and thirty minutes, most days. And most days, the evening commute is a crap shoot but takes at least one hour and thirty minutes.

If  I go to the nearest laundry mat, early enough on a Sunday morning, don't have a wait for either a washer or dryer, I can complete a double load of laundry in one hour and thirty minutes--not counting putting away once home again.

Last Tuesday, one hour and thirty minutes was spent saying a final good-bye to a cousin, supporting a mother burying her only child, a son who was himself a father and grand-father. The hardest, second most emotional hour and thirty minutes of 2015.

I am finding a small measure of comfort in measuring the time it takes to do things. One hour and thirty minutes from lights out tonight, I hope to be asleep and to rest for longer than the one hour and thirty minute stretches of the last several days.

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