My relationship with my co-workers is pretty cordial. In fact, the human resources / compliance director commented in my review that I got along with everyone. It isn't difficult as I like most of them. Most are pleasant and cordial in their own right.
Then something . .
Last week a co-worker sidled up to my workstation with a pretense of making chit-chat about tea. A couple of seconds in, she pass me a note. My ears started burning for I knew this was BS in the making. The note began, "I don't mean to be nosey. . "
Why do folks open with the gambit when that is exactly what they intend?
In her note the co-worker wanted to know if I'd received a raise in conjunction with the recent review and if so, if I was happy with it.
Once the urge to flash her my, "are you kidding me?" face passed, I replied, as gently and cordially as I could, "I am not comfortable with this topic." Co-worker cobbled up her note and toddled along back to her own workstation
We've worked together for over a year with little more than cordial greetings passing between us. If not for recent circumstances (company lost a large client forcing a couple of lay-offs. Others have resigned due to unhappiness with reassignments forced by lay-offs) I believe we could have gone weeks, months, beyond in a similar fashion.
Recent events notwithstanding, I was still taken aback.
Yet, I will endeavor to maintain my equanimity. I hope she and anyone else she may have shared some version of this event with does the same.
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I love your response. It was direct and to the point. And you said what you had to without being rude or impolite. I think that note put you in a terrible position. Someone else might have told her to mind her own f-n business or even worse, felt put on the spot and told her what she wanted to know and regretted it immediately. Good for you. You handled it perfectly.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I thought it was going to be gossip about another co-worker.
DeleteWhat an odd and juvenile thing to do! I hope there are no repercussions, no weird behavior following that. And, I agree with Lori: you handled that awkward exchange perfectly.
ReplyDeleteOdd and Juvenile-exactly! I too hope this is the end of it. Small company, close quarters could become very unpleasant very fast.
DeleteI agree with Lori - your response was excellent, and I doubt I would've been as polite and succinct given a similar situation. Kudos to you, and I hope this is soon a distant memory.
ReplyDeleteEven more than the question, the fact that she stood over me while I read it and was waiting for an answer.
DeleteThank you. I too, hope this episode passes.
Whoa, she really put you on the spot. Lucky you have your wits about you! Also, I like the Rose of Sharon photo.
ReplyDeleteShe did put me on the spot and was breathing over my shoulder until she got my response. I'm glad my wits showed up to represent.
DeleteThank you. The plant (Rose of Sharon, you say) I encountered on one of the walks around the neighborhood.
Why is it you think that it is okay to ask me this? And I think I would have been sure to keep the note, makig notations on it for future reference...you showed great equanimity!
ReplyDeleteIt is weird. We have a manual. There have been emails (related to quarterly bonuses--but still . . ) I might have kept the note if she'd delivered it and went away but she didn't. Thank you.
DeleteI suspect she wasn't happy with her own situation, and wasn't sure if she was being singled out for poor treatment, or whether it was an issue for all her colleagues - in which case she would feel a lot better. So maybe not as nosey as it seemed? (Or, maybe she was just being nosey.)
ReplyDeleteYour response though was perfect. Polite, tactful, impossible to argue with.
By mid year, most employees have had their reviews and I think others have discussed, if not particulars, a general feel or mood. No matter how you slice it, it was nosey.
DeleteAnd she didn't (argue).
Having always worked in government, salaries have always been public record - and a constant cause of jealousy and ill will among coworkers. But I do think it kind of funny that she would ask you in a note rather than just ask.
ReplyDelete"I am not comfortable with this topic." I am memorizing that line for my new retort whenever people ask inappropriate questions. You nailed it.
I've always worked in the private sector and in most situations discussing salaries was ran the range of being frowned upon to forbidden.
DeleteI think the note illustrates the awkwardness of the situation.
Whew. :-) Thank you.
AWWWKwarrrrrrd! You came up with one of the only appropriate responses I can think of.
ReplyDeleteIs that a Rose of Sharon? Love those.
Awkward indeed. Thank you.
DeleteYes, according to Colette it is. It is gorgeous.
That is really forward. And it's one thing to ask if you can grab coffee and then bring it up, but it's another to pass you a note.
ReplyDeleteIt was, especially considering the nature of our interactions before this episode.
DeleteAdmittedly, I like it when all salaries are public, as in government & sometimes in medicine. But in an environment where it's not discussed it's odd. And some companies make ppl sign NDAs that include salary as well. Good way to answer it.
ReplyDeleteI can see how transparency can be helpful but also a hotbed of trouble. I wonder if any of the folks I work with ever worked in such an environment.
DeleteSo, I work in Human Resources and I am so proud of the reply you gave. Always the right thing to do if the company calls it confidential.
ReplyDeleteWow, that is so weird. The note-passing especially. And you're right, anytime someone starts with "I don't mean..." usually that's EXACTLY what they mean, in that sort of context. Good for you for clearly and concisely putting an end to that conversation. Awkward, but expertly handled!
ReplyDelete