Monday, February 10, 2014

Fresh(er) (Re)Start

Charles Alston Art 
However many days ago I posted I silently promised that I'd post more frequently. It isn't as though good (and bad) things are happening most every minute of most every day. The problems are 1. deciding if any of those things are story worthy. 2. mustering up the creative energetic flow to tell any of the decided upon stories. 3. Feeling like something other than eating, drinking, sleeping, working, and worrying about all those things (or rather, the effect) and more in unequal measure.

Long story short, I'm lost. Yes, I'm grieving runs deeper. I don't know who I am or what I want, for me. Or, I want too many things for me and
I can't sort it all out 
I can't sort it all out 
I can't sort it all out 

That said, the mandala lessons have helped. The daily prompts have ended as it was a 30-day journey. But, as of last weekend I completed up through lesson twenty-one. I will complete the others in my own time and space, as noted in some previous post. The 30 day journey will continue well beyond and beyond. 

Still . . . being alone, silent, sans color and light except when forced to be otherwise is the order of most days. The goal is to embrace those moments of joy, to seek them out, to create and extend that which brings the joyful noises. 

To wit: happy birthday wishes go out to my aunt (94) my brother (52) and my son (32). Congratulations to my daughter who has just completed the 2nd quarter of a culinary program and powered her way through the end (finally) of a toxic romanticized relationship. I am so proud of her while at the same time sorry I couldn't be more helpful. She says differently but I think she is being kind.

My son (the actor) is cast in a play opening soon with two more booked back-to-back. He has a small part in the pilot of a series premiering in a few weeks. He has auditions for two more screen projects in the coming days. He is writing again.

And I went out on Saturday, spent some time with some wonderful ladies via one of the meet-up groups. We watched an enlightening film followed by energetic conversation. That kind of thing should happen more frequently. 

Like writing. Like art. Like laughter.

Like, celebrating life. 


  1. In your time. No magical bullet to fix that kind of grief. Thinking of you and hoping the coming years brings you many gifts of wonder.

  2. Life is nothing but a story. Tell what you want to tell, keep the rest for yourself. I hear you on grief and being lost. I still am, almost four years hence. But it's getting better. Not good, just better. ((HUGS))

  3. I think it is a very delicate balance when you are sitting with sadness to still be able to embrace moments of joy, to be grateful for blessings, and begin to discern where your next steps should be.

    I do know that grieving has no timeline and that it should not be rushed.

    Holding you in the light of love and friendship while you are sorting.

    And more writing? Yes, please.

  4. I'm going to echo what the above commenters have said. There is no timeline. I'm still in it myself. It's a balancing act.

    I also know that finding joy, being open to it, being willing to experience it, are things that I need as well. I believe that it will come back. And, I'm holding onto that belief. I hope you do too...

    Sending you love and light, my dear...

  5. Yes, you need to get out with those ladies more frequently. Make it something you commit to doing weekly. I think you need to get some yayas out, as my dear departed sainted Irish mother used to say. (As in..."go outside and play and get your yayas out instead of being cooped up in here with a book all day.")

  6. Glad you are enjoying life.

    Thank you. Love love, Andrew. Bye.


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