Hello, Again

JOY - Tawny Chatmon 

There are about a million songs with hello as a title or as a lyric or a principal theme.  Several of the million are in regular rotation in one or more playlists I have created over the years.  Suffice to say, it is a popular theme; happy, sad, ironic, sarcastic, ethereal, literal, or metaphoric--hello can cover many grounds.     

So, hello, it's me, I'm still here.  

Today

Welcome to 2026. 

One day, one step. 

 

Story in Drips and Dips

My daughter gifted me with a Hear Your Story book for Mother's Day.  I'm determined to complete the prompts and extra pages to expound, as one does, by her birthday (a milestone one) in five weeks.  My initial thought was that this was an easy assignment, which is why I didn't start right away. 

It has proven to be anything but.  

It wasn't long before I realized I hadn't said (a lot) out loud.  

Also, I realized that there were limbs of the family that are completely unknown to me and likely to remain so.   

Still, I'm happy to fill in these pages for her.  I hope she follows the nuggets to this space and perhaps whatever journals I still have on paper at the end, but she is not likely to do that.  It will be okay, she'll discover what may offer comfort, I trust.  

Me, Kindergarten

Happy September! 

A Story, Not (Yet)

 

Toni Morrison: Song of Solomon* 

Hello, 

I've been working on a story for the last few weeks, intending to craft it with tremendous care.  However, I seem unable to get out of the starting gate.  My mind wanders, my heart pounds, and my legs...let's not talk about the aches in my legs.  

Physical pain, mental and emotional anguish, I am in short, stuck.  Or rather, I feel askew. 

The story is about a woman who is on the brink of change.  She is excited, yet afraid; undecided about how or even IF to lean into the circumstances.  

My own lopsidedness is likely one reason I can't give voice to any definitive choice or action for Janice.  

Rest assured, I will work through my physical pain, find sustainable solutions for the anguish, and discover the crux of Janice's tale.  

In the meantime, let us have sketches; old and new.

Kindly, 

Middle Girl 

*you wanna fly you got to give up the shit that weighs you down.  

New Year, Same Me

 

Well, not 100% the same, but mostly.  

Wednesday, January 1st looked a lot like Tuesday, December 31st.  

But, there is a shift, of sorts.  A change toward developing (or rather, re-developing) more positive habits toward more positive goals and outcomes.  

We are seduced by the "new" in Happy New Year! Or, I should speak for myself.  "I" am seduced.  

Or, should I be? 

I feel an urge, but not a sense of urgency. 

But, I do.  

Kind of.  

New Year, same me.  

Cheers! 

Art

A few years ago I resurrected a long-dormant practice.  In my latter high school years, I majored in art.  It was the intent to major in art in college.  I did create a portfolio as part of my application to the department.  My emphasis was drawing (over textiles, sculpture, or painting). I was accepted to the department. Had I continued, I would have entered the department as a degree candidate.  

I didn't finish college.  A long story for another time.  However, I continued drawing and exercising other disciplines as time and materials allowed.  There was, though, quite a lull during the child-rearing years.  

The 80s and 90s were a virtual blur.  

Bremen, In

It took until 2018 to begin a more regular sketching practice.  Since then, I've completed 5 sketchbooks.  I am weeks away from completing the sixth.  I've joined groups that prompt, motivate, and inspire. I've shared the sketches publicly and have endeavored to grow artistically.  (charcoals, y'all)  

A friend tagged me in the Mural Mosaics Global Roots program which allowed me to paint, which I hadn't done in decades.  The final product isn't exactly as I envisioned but sits in a little easel, on display, in my living room. I am grateful for the opportunity and happy to have finished.  

If you're in Bremen, IN visit the mural there.  If you're in any of the other cities (or countries) where other murals are situated, visit those too.  If you're of a mind, complete a registration for your own tile, and give it a whirl.  

Big fun.  

Thank you, friend.      

Love. Like. Life.

My last romantic relationship ended four-hundred and seventy-five years ago.  

That's an exaggeration but that is what it feels like most days.  

Most days I do not lament the presence of a significant other.  

Some days I do.  

Most days I feel ready to dip my toes in those waters.  

Some days I do not. 

Most days I am too busy with family, friends, the pooch, work, and related stuff to feel any emptiness.  

Some days I am not.  

In between time, I do things I need to get through the day: talk, laugh, cry, think, throw, catch, sleep, and dream. 

Different things, different days.   

Take gentle care.  

Happy Autumn. 

 

Laundry

After our last cat died, doing laundry jumped to the top of the heap as my least favorite chore. Aside from the chore itself, is the fact that we have to tote said laundry, bag, detergent, and for me, a crossword puzzle book to the public facility--laundromat. *

Due to our respective schedules, we have chosen Sunday morning as laundry day.  

The kids, the cacophony of multiple TV screens playing different programs, the random folks who choose to present as pesky--it is a difficult place to sit and concentrate. 

More often than not, I close the book and walk about outside if the weather is agreeable. 

All things considered, it could be worse. In fact, I've experienced worse in my lifetime.  This laundromat, over many others I've visited, is clean, has mostly operational machines of various capacities and prices, and has attendants on-site to address any issue that may arise.  

So, while I do not like the chore nor much of what goes on in that space where it must be done, I am grateful for the convenience of the location and other factors that make the morning weekly chore not suck super bad.

Happy October! 

For Now, This

Of course, I did not intend to stay away for so long.  

Of course, I won't regale you with all that didn't happen, namely my thoughts solidifying into a comprehensible mass. 

Of course, summer has bled into Autumn.

May kindness rule over the next few days, leading to the next post.  

New Month

Happy July.  

In the wise words of Lorraine Hansberry, "Never be afraid to sit and think."  

Sitting.  

Thinking. 

Unafraid.  

Take gentle care.  

Journal Art: A Start

Pineapple Art 

Berries on the vine

                                                               

Grapes

I journal.  I do art.  I'm recently endeavoring to do art journaling.  What you see here are my most recent entries. I am still deciding on a central theme; these efforts are more of daily practice sketching with a twist. 

Don't worry, I still have charcoal experimentation ahead; I still remember.    

Snack Happy

Recently I celebrated my tenth anniversary with my current employer. Please note that the folks who hired me are no longer with the firm (due to an amicable merger and eventual resignations due to other factors) but the spirit and the nature of the larger company still exist, most days. :-)   

Soon this space will celebrate an anniversary as well.  (March 29, 2006, was the first post) The second was published in May, 2006.)

I have ruminated over the last several months about both spaces; how long will working remotely be a perk that holds me in place? How attractive would a different position have to be to entice? Am I as ready to stop the grind altogether? 

And in this space? Should it remain Middle Girl (I have to admit to not being in love with the moniker)--I am a long, long way from the "girl" stage of life and have to admit more, I have an issue with referring to adult women as, "girl" (even in the cultural colloquial, "sister girl" manner). 

That's a blog for another day. 

But, re-brand to...what? 

Beyond what to call it, am I still drawn to publish thoughts, art, and beyond? Am I encouraged, motivated, and entertained, by the engagement of others (btw: yes!)  But, enough to work to grow, expand, and shift the focus for even greater engagement? Or Is the current level enough--and for how long, how much?   

Some folks who left blogging when folks were leaving to head over to the lands of other social media platforms have begun to return to this platform; each for their own reasons.  It isn't a flock by any stretch but, encouraging, to be sure. 

Not prolific recently as in years past, (140 posts in 2006) the space has begun to feel a tad abandoned, held taut by a slim thread.  That said, I have routinely felt more at home here than on any other platform, for what that is worth. 

Much, I think. 

Still, I also feel a pull for some kind of change. 

Or not; this is anniversary musing or the prospect of Spring. 

It is

 When I snapped this photo it was early in the month and now the month is nearly over.  

Wow. 

I haven't started using the charcoals yet but am starting to get back into my daily sketch practice.  I haven't sketched "daily" in recent weeks but certainly more than in the weeks preceding the first new sketch in several weeks; nine in the last month.  

Woot.  

September ? ! ? !

 Do you remember

The 21st night of September?

Love was changing the minds of pretenders

While chasing the clouds away*

My son mentioned in conversation the other day, "we're coming up on my favorite months...the 'ber months; September, October, November, December!" He went on to say why, though I already knew.   I love how my son speaks to me as though I didn't give birth to him and lived with him for at least half of his life.  Admittedly, he's formed some insights and outlooks since being out on his own for many years now, but, still, . . I know he's a lover of autumn and (early) winter. 

Otherwise in the intervening weeks since last I visited here, a paternal aunt died, a maternal aunt became seriously ill (recovering), I snipped a bit of my hair--not a lot, just a couple of inches--amazing what a difference it makes. It's a mindset.  I also told a fib. A (casual and equally remote) co-worker asked oh so matter-of-factly, if I had a FB account. I replied, in kind, 'No'. (a fib) I wasn't up for the back-and-forth about how I don't invite any co-workers to any social media space, how I need a bit of separation, how I have very few FB friends that I haven't met F2F or haven't known virtually for many years now (or both).  

Fact is, my social media (FB anyway) days are feeling quite numbered.  I quit the last art group a few days ago. The mission of the group shifted and with that, two of the three admins opted out. Several other members quit and after a bit of navigation, I just wasn't feeling the vibe of the new scene.  I dropped out.  

I did put in an application with another sketching group with a mission more aligned (per their introduction) with my own.  I'm waiting to hear. 

But, I think I have, just this very moment decided that, while I won't likely leave the platform altogether, my engagement will be much, much less, likely toward an eventual departure.  Granted a some friends are still there are are engaging in some way. We'll see.  Still, if the art group chooses me, I may pass.  

Whether I'm in a FB group or no, I will keep sketching. I will keep sharing somewhere, here or IG. (or both). 

Oh, and I lost 100 lbs.  Well, I lost and found the same 10 pounds ten times.  Same thing.  ::smile:: 

Enjoy what is left of your summer.  

I hope you're welcoming fall with open arms and warm hearts.  

*September songwriters: Allee Willis, Al Mckay, and Maurice White  recorded by Earth, Wind, and Fire, released 11/18/1978

 

 

.  

And Just Like That (Again)

 

An entire season gone and no posts.  

Wow.  

That certainly was not the plan, but here we are.  

And to be frank, this isn't a post inasmuch as it is a, "hey, I'm still here" notice.  

So, I'm here.  

Still sketching (though, there too, lapses. Oy) 

Still haven't cut my hair though I do think it is thinning some. Que sera sera.  

Still working the 9 to 5 (remotely--thank goodness!!!) 

Still trying to . . . (oh, so much).  

Until next time (before the end of the season, is the plan) be kind, be present, and 

take extremely gentle care.  

This world.  

Wow.  

Daily Practice

Sitting. Thinking.  Trying to draft.....  something.   

Nothing but everything is coming to mind.  

When in flux, do a list:  

My dad died ten years ago (on the 6th).  I feel the loss but moreover it is a reminder that coming 

in February is the tenth anniversary of my mom's death.  It still feels kind of unreal.  

My daughter and I have lived together off and on since her birth.  She developed habits in her youth that remain today.  A couple of said habits bug the bejeebus out of me.  She is aware but . . . ugh.  

If the actor (my son) were to order business cards he'd barely have room for his name what with all the different things he does.  When he's out and about, he's difficult to peg and when people ask, he varies the reply but it is usually, "performer" or some variation therein.  

Per the memory tape in some of the social media platforms I've used over the years it appears that I've had bouts of great busy-ness with little reward or progress; usually as related to the work I do (or have done).   

Hmm  . . . 

While I do sketch often, I don't find the window to do it every day.  I'm grateful to be part of several groups that help with motivation and inspiration.  And I see some pretty amazing sketches; heck, full on works of art.  Dang.  

I have not cut my hair since making the decision to grow it. However, I have discovered that I am not 

the personal hairdresser I was in my youth.  Plus, the texture has changed, which has altered some options.  

Still, I keep it going. And keep it simple.  

It boggles my brain and shakes my soul that I have a forty year old son and a daughter who will 

soon be thirty-seven.  Yet, a check-out clerk carded me for a case of beer the other day. 

I haven't quite decided how to feel about that.  

Somewhat.  

It's Autumn?  Wow. 

Take gentle care.  

  

 

Happy September

Prompt: starts with R  (Ribbon)

Prompt: Starts with R: reach 

Starts with R: resting 

Is it wrong that I'm already thinking about the end of this month; that something in me wants to steamroll through September? 

That is the situation today. 

Tomorrow I could be complaining about how fast the time is passing. 

The prompt for one of the art groups for the coming week is, "things that begin with the letter H" 

I'm thinking, "heat" with a mind to satisfy the terms of another prompt from a different group: elements of nature--choose from earth, water, fire, air, or space.  

"When life gets complicated choose to create" -author unknown.  

For the record, when I encounter complications in my life I rarely think to choose to create.  

Maybe I shall try.   

Christmas Just Ain't Christmas

 

This was going to be about Christmas. But now, Christmas 2021 is but a distant memory except to say I didn't have the kind of experience that many others seem to have had; mine was precisely as envisioned, as designed. The holiday had been scaled back a wee bit, year-by-year since my mother died in February of 2013. Well, truth be told, Christmas 2012 was pretty basic since my dad had died that previous September and by December, my mom was pretty sick with (what I didn't know then) was lung cancer.

The non-traveling, cocooning type of existence plays into my personality type. Granted, my daughter would rather have more people around but for me, for now, she and my son are plenty of company and plenty of energy.  

Which brings me to what brings me here today, on the second day of the new year; the year in review: 

I still have not cut my hair.  I still don't know what to do with it beyond washing, conditioning and braiding--but then, maybe that IS what is to be done with it.  

I'm still sketching. My daily practice has turned into a more every other or every few days practice; but I'm still creating and expanding skills.  

I do still have health and weight loss goals to achieve; these have been sort of rinse and repeat kind of endeavors but think I have settled on a different approach for the coming days, weeks, months, this year toward achieving different (more favorable) results. I shall keep you posted.  

My workplace is experiencing some transitions. I will continue to work remotely and I hope that the coming changes will ultimately equal success for myself as well as the company at large.  

My son, daughter, and I are still healthy; that is to say we have managed to avoid any positive Covid tests.  As they are out and about frequently (mostly for work) they test frequently.  All of us have had vaccines and boosters (mine is scheduled for next week). I've been hearing across with internet wires that folks believe that at some point, "we're all going to get it."  I hope that isn't the case. 

Two days in, I've managed to achieve each of my daily practices.  May this continue for the next . . .  three hundred and sixty-three.  Well, maybe the next five, at least.  

There is other news from this year; some even from last month but I'll save those stories for another time. Which is to say, I expect to come back here again and again and again. 

Dear Bloggers, please take gentle care.  Be safe, stay safe in as much as is possible to do so.  

Merry Christmas.  

Happy New Year. 

Cheers to 2022.  

Turn Around and it's July

Koala

 

EMU

Lynx

Do you how many songs have Hello as a title or Hello in the title? There are at least 200 and in the wondering about that question, I wondered about the other; goodbye. While 'goodbye' is also a popular theme, it is not quite as popular as hello (at least not as far as the title is concerned.)  I'm sure there are a LOT of goodbye songs that don't actually say the word. 

Or maybe not.  

Anyway, HELLO!  

I'll be back soon with more to say, but in the meantime allow me to share this . I saw the exhibit on Saturday and was blown away.  Her exhibit as well as being up close and personal to the Obama portraits were certainly worth the trek to downtown Chicago via the trusty transit authority--where due to federal mandate--masks are required.  (Note: no enforcement).  

Interesting times we are having.  

Stay safe folks.  

Another Year Older

Pete at Fifteen

Do you remember when you first learned to read? Or write? Or ride a bike? Or anything that you can point back to that changed the course of your life? That opened your world? That upset the applecart in sometimes good or sometimes not so good ways?  

That first one? 

Fully disclosure, I do not remember many of the life altering moments. Well, not the exact moments but certainly took in full measure of the changes, the shifts.  I recall quite fondly the first time I rode a bicycle all by myself.  I remember the first bike I received as a gift. I remember using those wheels, and my power churning those wheels to put some distance between home and the rest of the world.  

Well, the neighborhood, at least.  

One of the exact moments I remember is meeting Pete.  And I remember bringing him home from the shelter.  Pete, you see, was my first pet as an adult.  Actually, the first cat....ever.  My family owned dogs (many dogs) when I was growing up.  My children didn't have pets as children.   

So Pete checked many boxes with his presence.  

Pete, like Buttah, were the pets, the cats I didn't think I wanted and certainly didn't think I needed.  

I was wrong. Pete is exactly what my household needed at the time and is exactly right for the household now.  He's a prince.  He's not a cuddle puddle kind of cat and that is okay, I have understood that about him from the very beginning. I respect his boundaries. He loves that about me.  

The other first I remember is the very first blog post on this space.  I remember discovering blogs as I was discovering myself, as I was, in the word of former first lady, Michelle Obama, "becoming." I was living a shadow life, a shell of my actual self, going through the motions, keeping up appearances, following the path set out before me.  

It would be some posts later before I actually uttered the words, that truth, the soul of me--that which others in my life report to have known, or had guessed to be true.  It would be some 1,000 (plus) posts later that revealed other truths, insights, humors, highs, lows . . .   

And loss. 

Within these pages I talk about the loss of my mother, my father, the diva dog and the orange boy. Thanks to these pages I was comforted and supported. I have cherished the community that visited here and grateful for the bloggers who have shared their lives, journeys, insights, truths, highs, lows, and more.  I cherish the friends made through blogging.  

Like Pete, this space is fifteen years old this year.  (Pete, 03/06   Middle Girl, 03/29) 

Like I love the prickly Pete. I love this space even as the community at large has opted for other mediums or distanced themselves off the internet. I love what remains, I love what may be again someday. And even if it is never like it was, this space will remain a special repository for my thoughts, truths, joys, and pains.  

I remain ever grateful for the readers, commenters, fellow bloggers, and friends.    

May peace be with us all. 

                                                                                       

Dog With A Ball In The Creek