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I have a friend. At least, I think I still do. We met some years ago
and had what felt like, an instant connection. That connection grew deeper with our daily interactions and seemed to continue even when our daily contact came to and end.
Until it didn't.
I don't know what drives her moves to silence. My imagination roams deep with possible explanations. The end result however, is the same, her silence brings about confusion, an intense concern for her well-being and extreme sadness over the lost.
I am at a loss to understand. To reconcile.
I miss her.
You know, I tend to be that way myself, so let me tell you what it's like for me and maybe it is like her as well. Sometimes, I just decide that the world is too much with me and I have to take a break. I go very quiet and don't speak much except when I have to at work or to my daughter, who needs her mother. I call these times my "black dogs" and they can last anywhere from a week to a few months....
ReplyDeleteAnd I tell myself this is what it is about.
DeleteI don't know. I've lost a lot of people myself. I know if I were picking people to make sure I keep, you'd be at the top of the list.
ReplyDeleteFor myself, I'm having a hard time at the end of a too-long hard time. I'm at a loss at this point as to what to say to people, other than that it's still going on. Still. It's taken over my life and I know everyone wants me to have moved on from it. And I can't move on until the blasted thing is actually done. So I don't talk about it. And that leaves me ... floating and waiting to land. And without much to talk about. Maybe there's something like that going on?
And it is because I have lost so many people over the years that I grow extremely anxious. As much as I'm afraid I did something to offend I am as afraid I didn't and it has nothing to do with me, at all. And l-i-f-e will simply (well, not so simply) whisk her away. Poof. That said, I am fairly certain something is going on. Still . .
DeleteOh, dear sweet E&I thanks. ♥
This feeds in to something I've been thinking about a great deal. That our times are encouraging disconnection and you can see the results of that everywhere.
DeleteI've actually decided what I want to do about it. It's not timely yet ... but ... suffice to say I have some ideas and am working on more.
In the meantime, my guess is it isn't you. I feel as though I know you relatively well. Maybe call/leave a message/send an email saying you're worried about her?
Of course, you may have already done so.
Lots of love to you TOD. You are a wondrous woman. Remember that.
I see (from farther down) that this is the pebble.
DeleteWell, just know that I doubt it's you. I think it's part of what is happening to us as a people. It's very disconcerting.
Hugs.
I'm so sorry. I've probably gone radio silent on some people and I know others have done it to me too. It is confusing. Have you tried contacting her one last time (for now)?
ReplyDeleteThanks. I have and will continue just as someone has suggested, to let her know I'm here.
DeleteI tend to "fall off the face of the earth," moments when it's all too much for me to interact with others (aside from my kids!). So I pull back from social events, friends, etc. I avoid the phone especially. I need these moments to regroup, help myself whether I'm depressed or in a creative slump. It's like charging my batteries. I usually feel guilt over it, like I'm not a good friend. But, if/when friends need me, I'm there. I'd be okay if a friend asked me about my absent time, so long as it was in a non-judgmental way. Perhaps you could have that talk with your friend? So you aren't left to wonder. Take care.
ReplyDeleteIf I could reach her, get her to talk, I would.
DeleteThank you.
The lack of closure is SO hard. So confusing. Along with the others, you might not be able to control her responding to you, but I think it's worth contacting her with the heartfelt: I miss you.
ReplyDeleteI hope she comes around.
xoxo
Agreed. Thank you. oxox
DeleteI've been on both sides of that equation. And, neither side feels good. But, here's something that a friend of mine told me many years ago.
ReplyDeleteShe apologized for not staying in touch (this was pre-internet when we wrote letters and sent them in the mail) but said that my letters to her were such a gift and gave her something to hold on to through some rough times. She didn't have the time/energy/spunk/willpower to write back but she was tremendously grateful that I kept writing to her.
Of course, I didn't hear that from her until quite a few years later, but it made me feel better in retrospect.
Contact your friend. Drop a pebble in the well. Who knows what she is going through. Maybe she'll say, 'leave me alone', but probably she'll think, 'wow, D is awesome for not giving up on me'....
That's my two cents.
xoxoxo
She told me once she read my blog. I have no idea if she still does. IF she does, then this is the pebble of sorts.I keep her in my mind and as she is close to my heart, I tell her so.
DeleteThanks for your two cents. Worth a million. :-)
oxox
Oh hon, I'm sorry you're going through this. I had a close friend that drifted away, and I still don't have an answer for what happened. It haunts me.
ReplyDeleteCan you reach out to her? Explain how loud the silence feels?
I can. I shall. Thanks for thoughts.
DeleteI don't think I have anything to add to the wisdom already shared here. But I do know that when I go into introspective times, I have always been aware of the hands that stayed extended to me. I do believe they were my guides when it was time to come back. And I do hope your friend comes back soon. A good friend is difficult to lose.
ReplyDelete8th, thank you. I try to hold on to the thought that my efforts get through and are well received and to keep a positive outlook.
Delete'tis difficult without question.
All wise words have been offered here and I have nothing to add except that I know it is bewildering and somewhat painful to have that happen. I would only say is reach out, but be prepared for the endgame and armor up a little just in case you have to absorb a blow.
ReplyDeleteIt is. I have (reached out and armored up). Blow absorbed.
DeleteI hope you aren't referring to me. I love the stuffing out of you. Consider me walking wounded. There are days that I don't speak a single word. I give in to despair and emptiness.
ReplyDeleteHey nina. No, not referring to you. ♥ ♥ ♥
Delete