A few days ago I read a blog post that got me thinking about when a friend suddenly and without explanation became a former friend. I recall being hurt by the silence. I reflected on continuing to be hurt by that silence. It brings to mind my father's silence for so many years of our existence. There was even a time when he came to town without nary a word to me. I found out after the fact that he had been so physically close, yet
didn't have time.
I don't have many pen pals (I wish there were more) but of those, while I may be disappointed if they were to come to town without notice or time to meet, I don't think I'd been mortally wounded or moved to terminate a relationship that I presume, as penpals is at least cordial and companionable.
There is still no clue as to why the former friend froze me out of her life. Even if it hurt, I would prefer knowing why. My father did (eventually) explain why we couldn't meet during his trip. I didn't buy it then, but I recall appreciating the effort. That effort led to our being able to bridge our gap before he died.
A few days ago I read a blog post that got me thinking . . . letters
#MicroBlog Monday ::more, ya heard?::
So, yeah. I think of some of my blog friends as penpals. Maybe it's because I'm not young, and penpals were a real thing back when writing letters was normal communication.
ReplyDeleteAlso, my former in-laws did the same thing to me and my daughter; their only grandchild. They drove from Los Angeles to Vancouver, Washington and didn't tell us that they were in town. They drove nearly a thousand miles and didn't call or stop even though we live less than a mile from the freeway. We would have driven the 10 miles to the 'Couv to see them, had we known they were there. I mean, come on! Only grandchild!!! I washed my hands of them after that.
LoL for some of us writing letters is still normal. But I get your meaning. It has not routine for most. Sadly.
DeleteWow...that was a harsh thing to do. That kind of behavior between family baffles me. Boo Hiss.
Yes, I guess blog friends are the penpals of today.
DeleteI don't get when people are nearby and don't bother to see you. Especially family-type people. I'm sorry, both your former and friend and your father sound like hurtful experiences, although I'm glad that you got the chance to mend with your father before he passed. That's nice, thinking of blogging friends as penpals of the 21st century! A little more immediate, like everything else now. ;)
ReplyDeleteIt is a headscratcher.
DeleteWhile I prefer writing letters, addressing envelopes, and affixing stamps. Blogging works too. :-)
I've always loved the idea of having penpals, but never managed the muster the same enthusiasm for hand writing letters. I'm sure my non-existent recipients are very happy they aren't subjected to my chicken scratches. :)
ReplyDeleteOver the years, I've had a few friends give me a similarly unexplained cold shoulder, and I understand how frustrating it is. Ditto to family members being nearby without contacting us. I hope you can get some closure to the friendship, and I'm glad you were able to with your father.
I ♥ writing, the entire process (as previously noted).
DeleteAnd I am pleased dad and I were able to get to a sort of good place before his death.
DeleteThank you.
I love writing (and receiving) letters. Some blog friends and I occasionally exchange cards and notes and letters. I love it. I hope one day to visit them - but I'm also realistic enough to know that there's not always time or inclination or travel freedom or energy to include all the people who want to be included into travel plans. I have sneaked into a city/country where I used to live, without telling almost anyone I was going to be there, simply because I needed the time and space to be there on my own. It didn't mean I didn't still want to have relationships with the people who were there. It was simply that at that time, it wasn't right for me. I like to think I'd understand if someone did that here too.
ReplyDeleteBeing frozen out of a relationship is tough though, and it brings up all sorts of issues. Though ultimately I think it says more about the "freezer" than the "freezee."
Yes, as I said, I would think a pal would be understanding (even if, eventually).
DeleteAnd true, the "freezer" (as with the pal who terminated the relationship) . . says more about them.
love the idea of blog friends as penpals! i had a penpal when i was in elementary school, but then we just lost touch. i remember thoroughly enjoying the letters and stamps and even photos that we used to send each other. snail mail was so much fun, there was so much anticipation to it!
ReplyDeletesorry about your former friend. people do weird stuff.
Snail mail is fun. And totally worth the effort (for me). :-)
DeleteIndeed. Weird.
I would be happy to be pen pals with you! Well, if I could email, because there was only one person in the world who could read my handwriting, and she has now retired.
ReplyDeleteI had a friend for nearly 25 years who moved to Florida. When my daughters and I went south this January I planned to visit her. But she never returned my emails until the day before the trip and then it was too late to change the itinerary. I have learned not to take these things personally (although that would be hard if it were my own father) People are dealing with their own sh*t all the time. I just wish them well and leave the door open.
Well, okay, if that is the way it shall be. :-)
DeletePeople are dealing with their own sh*t all the time. I just wish them well and leave the door open. Yes, pretty much.
I was telling my daughter today about a friendship of mine that ended during college, and how it took until 15+ years after to finally get my answer. But you're right; it makes a difference to know.
ReplyDeleteI try to put myself in others shoes, try not to blame myself, try to live-and-let live...and for the most part, I can and do. Still, it hurts. And still, I would like to know. And still, I leave open the possibility for reconcilation / repair.
Delete