We talk every day, multiple times. Still, I miss her. Saying good-night and then lying down to think about how much I want to hold her is the hardest thing I do--everyday.
A couple of Sundays ago, we were talking. Sharing a cup of coffee and some jibber-jabber about the Titans and the Bears when suddenly I felt a whoosh and my head began to swim. I remember that feeling when I fell off the monkey bars at eight. The supreme feeling of lonliness even while talking with her on the phone knowing that I couldn't reach out and touch, couldn't see, smell or taste--for weeks, the lonliness overwhelmed. The sensation took my breath away. I had to go. I had to walk.
That feeling didn't last long. But it was followed by anxiety. As time draws nearer a fear that something might happen to prevent me from leaving on the 27th settled into my head. I couldn't shake it--until today.
Launching myself full tilt into year-end reporting needs, preparing budgets, organizing to make sure bases are covered during my vacation, anticipation & prep for two Christmas celebrations (D's employer & my own), finding a solution to Pete the cat's sleep disruption pattern and just shaking myself--has cleared my head.
I still miss her but I know that in TWENTY days, I'll be on a plane. I'll see her smiling face, sparkling eyes and breathe her in, touch her skin. Twenty. Just.
Even though its been so long, my love for you keeps going strong
I remember the things that we used to do, a kiss in the rain
Til' the sun shined through, I'll never try to deny it, I'm so in love with you
I miss you like crazy, I miss you like crazy, ever since I went away
Every hour of every day, I miss you like crazy, I miss you like crazy
Well, now. Sounds like crazy mad love to me....
ReplyDeleteSo, you miss her?
ReplyDelete19 now! Woohoo!
ReplyDeleteIt isn't practical to feel the way you describe ALL the time, but here's hoping you never entirely lose that fizzy feeling, even after 40 years or so of couplehood.
ReplyDeleteI remember the painful countdown of days until Court and I could be together. It never gets easy.
ReplyDeleteOh honey... I will be thinking of you and her and hope the days pass quickly! You sure sound in love! It gave me a goofy smile. :)
ReplyDeleteJust a few more hours and it will only be 18 more days....and you have all kinds of seasonal things to do over the weekend and before you know it, it will be Monday morning and then only 16 days!!! You can do it....and will.....cuz ya gots all of us peeps cheering you on!!!
ReplyDelete{{{{Deborah}}}}
And to think...it'll be an entire year. A year full of travels and events and sharing.
ReplyDeleteOne of many to come.
FYI...thinking of you every day.
Lovely! You give us singles some hope ;-)
ReplyDeleteI hope you both have a brilliant Christmas together
Don't make me cry. I miss you so much. I have been so overwhelmed with work these past few weeks, and sometmes I lose myself, but I know you love me and that is all that does and will ever matter to me. Thank you for being my one and only.
ReplyDelete