A life-line, for I’d be lost without certain telephone conversations. In a former life I detested talking on the phone outside of work and I did it only as needed to conduct business, shore up plans or obtain information. It was not my socializing tool. With rare exception, still isn’t. Two of those rare exceptions are my son and Neta.In addition to talking with my son frequently via telephone, I also see him every few weeks. And though I miss seeing him more often I know that we could visit more as he is merely a couple of commuter train rides away. In theory we could have lunch as often as our respective schedules allow. That understanding is a great comfort and lessens the intense loneliness for him I might feel otherwise. Besides, he’s “out on his own” and that makes me happy.
It is different with Neta. She is my lady love and we are working toward being together 24/7. But right now she is 500 miles away and seeing her takes planning, commitment, money and optimally, vacation days. And though we talk on the telephone every day, two, sometimes three or more times a day, I do get lonely for her, very lonely and often intensely so.
During those intensely lonely times, even the telephone conversations don’t seem to provide the salve needed put the loneliness to rest. I try masking the feelings when we talk because I don’t want to bring her down with me. I try fighting or minimizing the feelings by throwing myself into tasks at hand; taking my daughter to have a boil drained, assisting my mom with . . . whatever, the yard and condo association business, studying feline interactions, not to mention dealing with all the additional hair and poop, just to name a few.
Though all these things and more require action, demand my attention and for a time even take my mind and soul from realm of despair, a nugget of emptiness remains. Time though, does heal. Planning helps hurry the utterly desperate times to go on their way. As the days pass, the day for our next visit looms larger and appears fogdog-like on the horizon.
When I break through the haze the sheer joy and happiness felt by knowing she is IN my life and that her feelings for me mirror that which I have for her rests on the other side filling me and pushing me forward.
...here’s my number and a dime, call me anytime.
Skyy
Hey girl,
ReplyDeleteI do understand what you mean. I was in this neighborhood or somewhere bouts on Friday. Distance. Distance. Distance.That word can also translate into "time", as well as place. There are so many different "needs" that we have, there is life that we "must" endure until the end of the tunnel is bathed with light.It is not always easy, but will make it through. Hang on Deborah. Neta might be "there", but as you said, she is "here", in your thoughts,your heart, and most importantly in your life. And yes, this too shall pass. Just hang on.
Hope that your daughter feels better, and you too.
I'm not a big phone talker either. But, I've been there with the long distance thing and it is definitely a life-line.
ReplyDeleteSomeday you'll look back and remember those phone calls fondly. I hope that someday is soon.
I can remember some $300 plus phone bills back when Fran and I were across the country from each other, before the days of Skype, cell phones or cheap long distance.. We're both big talkers. We still are.
ReplyDeleteHang in there, your time together w/o needing the phone will come.
Keep the faith... it's meant to be and WILL be.
ReplyDeleteAh yes...been there. It's lonely at times, and can be frustrating.
ReplyDeleteHere's to that day when all you'll need to talk with her is to tap her on the shoulder to get her attention. :)
Long distance so sucks...I'm sorry you are lonely for Neta. Phone calls are better than nothing, but not a whole lot sometimes, hang in there girl, you guys will be together.
ReplyDeleteNot sure what prompted it, but the other day I was thinking about the long-distance-relationships you read about in old novels where the couple lives hundreds, if not thousands of miles apart and maintain a relationship solely through letter writing. As romantic as that sounds, it would be devastatingly lonely, don't you think?
ReplyDeleteYes Amaya, I do think, quite lonely.
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