Sunday, August 19, 2012


Part of last weekend was spent with mom. She taste-tested avocado and mango in between preparing breakfast while I did a chore or two (or three). We sat. We ate. We talked, some. Nothing serious. Well, except for the litany of sick and death notices from around the horn of family and acquaintances.

Such seems to be her favorite pastime.

Three hours later, I grab my bag, helmet and whatever else she was trying to force me to accept, gave a hug and stepped to the door.

"Be careful," she warned as I turned the knob.

I replied, "I'm always careful, I'm no daredevil." To which she retorted, "I THINK YOU ARE!"  

I don't know what my, "are you shitting me" face looks like, but I'm sure that it was plastered on for a few moments before a shrugging of the shoulders as if to say, "whatever" and the easing on out the door, down the stairs, on onto my Brin to ride the 12 (or so) blocks home, carefully.

Her assessment has hovered about my shoulders all week. daredevil! Me. Does she really think that? And if so, why? What daredevil-like things have I done in her view? By definition I'm far from that persona, in my view anyway.

I'm an office worker for cripes sake! I do take public transportation to and fro, but so do several thousand others, she among them. I don't smoke. never have. I don't take drugs except vitamins and those needed to temper the skin issues, mostly over-the-counter. I do drink alcohol, but not in a reckless, irresponsible, ostentatiously daring manner.

I'm fucking pedestrian. Daredevil? Hell. No.

Oh sure, I've engaged in unsafe behavior on occasion in my 50 plus years, but she can't know of more than one or two of those instances. And unsafe, on occasion, does not equal daredevil no matter how you slice it, in my view anyway.

So I'm back to what constitutes daredevil in her eyes and when do I engage in such behavior?

Is it the atheism? Keeping my hair extremely short? Dating (and falling for) women? Wearing purple or striped socks? Can it be the art? The writing?  The voicing my opinion with regard to my dad, brothers, and other family members? Is it the bike riding? Is it the favoring of avocado as well as Mexican, Italian, Greek, Thai, and food of other lands? Is it the wearing of two pair of earrings on occasion but rarely a necklace? Is it the thumb ring? Is it my beliefs regarding church and state; the separation of the two? For cripes sake, I sold my rollers skates for fear of falling off them and breaking my ass.

I am so fucking pedestrian. Daredevil? Hell. No.

What then, pray-tell is it that defines me as daredevil-y?

Could it be that I'm merely different from her (and most everyone she knows) and that it wasn't the meaning for daredevil she meant to retort at all?  Could it be she meant something else altogether? And if so, what?

We'll never know. We're still working through that complicated tag she hung on a couple of years ago. We have yet to have a conversation of revelations and truths. Try as I might, that brand of dare-devilry is . . . well, like I've been saying, all along,

daredevil? Hell. No.

*artwork by daughter--age 8.


  1. Isn't that funny? I'm definitely complicated, but I think most people are.

    Do you ride a motorcycle (forgive me, I don't know if I should know this or not and my brain is in 12 places at once right now)? Jump out of airplanes? Date ANY of my ex-girlfriends?

    I'd call you a daredevil for any of the above. ;)

  2. Anonymous7:53 AM

    Thumbring?!?! How do you sleep at night with the danger?!?

    To put a different spin on it, though... living the life YOU choose, regardless of society, IS pretty daring!

    And awesome!

  3. it is definitely the thumb ring...

  4. Now you've made me crave a thumb ring.

    That aside, I would take the label and revel in it. My mother called me "the black sheep" and believe me, I would rather be known as a daredevil. I think it's your mother's rather inept way of expressing that she doesn't really understand you. Plus, she is from another time when women had even less freedom to express who they were. I think she was showing her (grudging) admiration for you, and we can work with that.

    I can't believe I've never been here before!

  5. @ EM: no, not motor-powered, just Deborah powered or (at present) the mountain variety. No jumping out of planes. Somewhere I speak of my aversion to heights. Date any of your ex gfs? I doubt it. LOL

    @ NCP lol I don't know, 'tis a puzzle. Thank You as many have said and as we are often (sometimes brutally so) reminded..."life is just too short" and why not do your best, to give your best, to live your best life.

    @ nina: no doubt

    @ hearts: Thank you for visiting and for taking the time and making the effort to comment. I've been called "the black sheep" too, and though a different connotation, the net result was still negative. And you've made valid points. And yes, we can.

  6. OH MAN. or WOman... She is such a trip. NOT.
    Maybe it's just her way of trying to banter, but no - that would mean she wants to actually banter. And she really just wants you to agree with her conversational efforts as far as I can tell.

    I think it is you are just different than her, better & a daughter that she could have never concieved of because she's just not that cool... (no offense.)

    She was neglectful is many ways & can not face this. The fact that you have & do perhaps DOES make you a daredevil.

    Love, KMae

  7. @ Kmae She and I are different, so much so I wonder how we can even be related. That said, I see pieces of her in me with regard to my own parenting style.

  8. It's the avocado, for sure!

    Carry on, you dashing daredevil!!!

  9. From one "rogue" to another. It's the thumb ring. {Just wanted you to know that I am reading you a lot and hope this isn't too invasive since you don't know me from a can of paint.)javascript:void(0)

  10. @ e...LOL No doubt.
    Carrying on.

    @ Madame One Tree: Yummy.


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