Friday, June 02, 2006

It's who I am

I am the middle girl. In fact, I am the only girl. The Only Daughter. My OB (older brother) is 20 months older than I, my YB (younger brother) is 19 months younger. For 5 months a year we are consecutive, currently 44, 45 and 46.

For close to 40 years my brothers and I have been at odds with one another. For reasons I have yet to discern, they were placed on a road that drove and continues to drive a wedge into our family. They can't seem to find the exit ramp.

I have many theories on the subject, none of which matters one whit. They don't care about my theories; they don't or can't care how their actions affected and continue to affect our mother. For her sake, I try to give them grace. She says, "they need help." That, they do, but I see no evidence that anything we have tried these 30+ years has helped.

Our dad, absent from our lives for most of this period, has had little to no positive impact. For a good part of that time he's been involved with his newer family.

Between her health concerns and the plaintive guilt she suffers, mom is growing increasingly despondent. I've spoken with YB, (OB is out of state and basically, homeless) and her doctors. I've gotten a list of her meds, researching to determine if any one or combination, thereof, could be contributing to the growing malaise and paranoia.

I do because it's who I am. I am the only daughter.
I try.
I'm tired.


  1. I'm sorry you're at odds with your brothers. Not being able to identify the source of the feud has to be frustrating because it makes it that much difficult to find a solution.

  2. Thank you. Yes, it is frustrating. It's hard to grasp that we all came from the same place and we have such wildly variant values.


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