A bit more than half-way passed the first day of autumn leading to the first day of winter, Sunday felt closer to winter than autumn. Cloud cover, whisking winds and cold temps made going outside an un-attractive choice. Were it not for walking diva dog I wouldn't have gone out at all. It was a nestle-in day. If only I'd had the foresight to whip up a hearty soup or stew.
Daughter had to work so it was just me, Pete, Buttah and Diamond. We all agreed I would clean in the morning and then we'd settle in and watch some football games and surf the channels for the odd Sunday surprise showing of...something, anything whenever we tired of watching our teams (lose).
It was quiet except for Diamond's periodic snores, Buttah's sniffling and eventually play-by-play. The chill and the quiet conspired to put thoughts in my head. Nothing in particular but everything in general crossing my mind.
I couldn't shake loose of thoughts of my father.
Seeing the images of President-elect Obama with his daughters (over this past week especially) listening to item after item contrasting 1968 Chicago with 2008 Chicago, mom's knowing prediction, "it's the kids who will suffer the most" with regard to the news that my sister-in-law intends to file for divorce from my repeat offender brother and that he intends to fight this action, "tooth and nail" put thoughts of my father in my head.
And try as I might, I couldn't let them go yesterday.
Thoughts like what it will feel like when I get the news that he has died, wondering IF I'll get that news. Thoughts like if the memories of our few good times will totally disappear, finally becoming swallowed by the decades of bad or worse, nothingness. Thoughts like when or if I'll ever see him again and what I'll say to him if I do. Thoughts like if he ever really thinks of me, my son or daughter and what he would say to me, us should we ever communicate again.
Normally I relish my quiet Sunday afternoons. This past Sunday, an aberration, I'm sure. Future quite Sundays will be heartily embraced and quietly enjoyable.
Note to self: For the rest of this season and into the next, Hearty Soup Sunday.
I don't presume to know how you're feeling, but I send my good thoughts your way, just to let you know that someone is listening/reading and caring.
ReplyDeleteHope you're feeling more optimistic and/or less sensitive on future Sundays.
Thank you Val, the thoughts...they help.
ReplyDeleteWish I could give you a big ole hug.
ReplyDeleteYou just did. Tanks! :)
ReplyDeleteI send you some good thoughts as well Deborah - hang in there.
ReplyDeleteI knew I should have hit your number on my drive back yesterday afternoon. I needed a score update on a few games. Next time the urge hits I'll go ahead and dial. Please know I was thinking about you and laughing at our conversation from a few weeks ago. :-)
ReplyDeleteShazza: hanging in.
ReplyDeletechapin: yes you should have, you! :)
I thought about you when the network broke away to the tail end of the Chiefs game. What? do they write in "how to lose" plays in their playbook? geeez.