Let's See, Where Were We?

In the midst of studying, prospecting, marketing, and growing  a ton of other things have happened and / or passed over my field of vision. The picnic actually happened before the new career opportunity and I've planted my behind in the chair to write about it . . . but haven't been able quite articulate my still quite ambivalent feelings.

I will say this: at least one cousin wore a "a family that prays together stays together" tee shirt. It was quite the pleasant surprise to see my Aunt Ann and my cousin Carolyn. And it was quite disappointing that the in memoriam segment didn't occur. And even though I was ambivalent about that as well, I did bring the photo as requested. The photo I brought (and others beyond) were given to younger brother.

The above aside, I'm struck in a variety of ways by a variety of events and thoughts in the past several days since our last gathering. And they are, in no particular order:

A. Daughter, who weeks ago re-connected with her father (he had a stroke several years ago and after bumping around from one family member to another, from one state to another, landed in a rehabilitation / nursing facility in Greenwood, MS) went to visit him (and the arm of his / her family in Mississippi) this weekend past. The visit was good in one regard, not so much in another. Still processing.

B. Pepsi flavored Cheetos are apparently all the rage in Japan.  To which I say, EWWW

C. I'm battling a cold. I no longer feverish, but still not tip-top. A friend is also battling and wrote quite an eloquent post relative to the subject. I don't have her brand of being held in mom's bosom (so to speak) during childhood sickness, ours was quite the different household and dynamics---but there were some instances of receiving mom's full, un-divided attention. The memories of those instances are sweet.

D. Due to being sick, and the busyness of work related activities I'm a bit behind on the news and so only recently caught wind of the MONTANA COURT  ruling. I'm quite incensed over the entire episode and culture.

E. And speaking of being incensed....Syria...really? REALLY??? I get the sense that nations are channeling Tina.  Further, I get a sense of dread. ::sigh::

F. And speaking of dread---really Auntie Flo?? REALLY!!!!!!??? I am fifty fracking three!!!  I know, I know, many have gone well beyond that number. But, "shit, fuck, piss!!" as another friend often retorts ENOUGH already.  

G. I know I'm not one to speak, but I miss bloggers. I miss the community. I miss my friends. Oh sure, some (most, in fact) hang out on FB but it is simply not the same. No promises or declarations but I'm striving to be more active with this platform. I still have those sketches  to finish, I even bought a new sketch book, so as I say, no promises. But, well, yeah. . .

H. My former boss has continued to call and email. I must continue to ignore him. I cannot afford to be pulled back into his sort of . . . miasma.

I. Did you know later this month marks a year since Cinnamon came into our world?   On the flip side, the 6th will mark the first anniversary of my dad's death  and the twelfth, D-dog's passing.  All quite  heavily on my mind, heart.

J. And while there is much, much more that has gone on and IS going on I'll end here, except to add that the other night I had a dream. I'm struck (again) by remembering even the part I remember for, if you recall, I don't usually remember my dreams and if I do, only snippets filter to the surface. This snippet: I was walking down a street, dressed in my professional business black slacks and black jacket. An older man, he reminded me of an actor whose name and pedigree has alluded me, but think: a cross between Burt Young and Richard Farnsworth started following me eventually asking if I had a couple bucks so he could get something to eat. I then, against ALL my city wits and conventional wisdom, stopped to pull my wallet from my bag, opened it with the plan to peel off a couple of buck . . .    The older man took my wallet. I screamed. He turned and half ran, half limped away. I continued to scream but got myself together enough to chase (I mean he WAS half running and MOSTLY limping ) him intending to . . . not quite tackle him, but certainly, get my shit back.  Except, I couldn't catch him. WTF??  It was like some weird super slo-mo, non action . . . something. I was thrashing about in bead, screaming in my head, running the litany of what was in the wallet, the hassle of replacing stuff and the like. I woke with a monstrous headache and a sense of extreme dread . . . crying because it felt so real then I snapped to. . it was just. a. dream. 

And now, having said that, I can't end it there. I am going to end this episode with: WAY TO GO DIANA!!!

She said:
One: We should never give up.
Two: You're never too old to chase your dream
Three: It looks like a solitary sport, but it is a team.   (Swimming & life--I'm deciding).


See you in a few.

 

Trying. Week. End.

Diamond. D-dog. Diva. 

She came into our lives by way of our town's shelter. My daughter, an employee at the shelter, spotted her when she was surrendered by her previous parents and was determined to bring her home. Good thing, because Diamond's food aggression had her labeled "un-adoptable" and slated for termination. Her arrival came after Pete's, which rankled me just a wee bit. 

Maybe more than a wee bit, to be honest, at the time. 

But, like my daughter, Diamond had a way of working herself into your heart and good graces. Seeking forgiveness over permission every step of the way. She, the small dog who enjoyed romps in snow piled higher than her head, approached the lake (& lagoons & rivers) with trepidation, but ultimately allowed herself a taste of pleasure, who relished food, even that designed and meant for the cats, who took pure and distinct pleasure in show said cats who in fact, was boss . . . she, is no longer with us. 

Diamond developed issues beyond the diabetes and these past few days has been so not her usual self. It has been beyond difficult to watch her decline. It has been beyond difficult to watch daughter struggle with the choice that had to be made, not for us, but for Diamond; her care and comfort trumping our not wanting to be without her presence. 

Watching my daughter say goodbye to her very first pet, a pet she's craved to have since she was five years old, a pet who was with us just a bit over 5 years, but who was about to celebrate her eleventh year, a pet who has taught my daughter so much about . . . well, life, who has been the single most vital and constant presence in her life these past five years . . .  watching her raw sadness, her maturity, her coming to terms. . . has been, in a word, unimaginable. 

Leaves me breathless. That, and her thanking me for being strong, so she can be strong. Breathless. And in tears.  

Rest In Peace, dear Diamond. You will live forever in our hearts and memories.  

d is for . . .

In the many days since the previous post several topics, reasons to write presented themselves as possibly post-worthy. And then they were not, in fact, posted for they couldn't in all honesty post themselves. I would have to play blog post conduit and for one reason or another, I couldn't.

d is for December

And then there we were at year-end and if there is ever a topic ready-made for posting it is the looking back, looking ahead noise that permeates the end of one year and the beginning of another.  Memories take over, take control as does sense of resolve about the coming days, all 365 of 'em in one fell swoop. Oh wait, 2012 is a leap year, make that 366 days.
d is for dog
That post didn't write nor post itself either. Because as in previous days and prior posts not posted, I couldn't play blog post conduit, what with the trip to Houston, making room for the tree, preparations for the holiday meal, a short trip to Hoosier-ville, not to mention outside the home obligations, writing and posting (beyond that about making room for the tree) didn't work in the mix of things to say and do.
d is for Diva
And then here we are at the second day of the new year and finally a post is winding its way out of the ends of my fingers, off the tendrils of my mind. And this post is not at all about year ending, new year beginning or any resolve to be resolute*. This post is about the diva, our dog, Diamond.
Our sweet little fuzz face has been lethargic, losing weight, drinking beyond what you'd believe her body could hold and then of course, the body not holding it. A visit to the vet and a battery of tests reveal the underlying cause:

d is for diabetes
The news hit the other D rather hard. Her concern for the pup as well as her concern for caring for the pup (financially and otherwise) all causing, as one might expect, an overflow of emotions. The news hit this D rather hard too for the same reasons added to my concern for my daughter.
That was all several days ago and since then Diamond has been treated as an out-patient with fluids and d-daughter has administered several insulin injections, the vet tech training as well as sustaining relationships with a former co-worker (a vet M) playing vital roles is emotions calming and focusing on doing what we can to care for Diamond and care for one another.
D-dog has a bit more pep in her ten year old doggy steps and a bit more light in her eyes. She won't be well in that she won't be rid of diabetes but her condition can be treated and will be to the best of our ability. She won't be well but she is better today than she was in those days leading up to this day.
d is for Diamond our Diva, our ♥.  

*as coined by ef

   

Chills. Random.

I was outside with Diamond. She had business but was taking her sweet time. Normally, this is not a problem. But, normally it’s not 14 degrees. Still, I was dressed for the weather and wasn’t overly bothered by her dilly-dallying. I used the time to peep some of the neighbor’s decorative efforts.

Some lights are brightly shining.

I like Christmas decorations. I don’t particularly like that they get booted-up earlier and earlier every year. However, now is about when I start to feel the mood. The town decorations aside, the neighborhood is somewhat slow (by general current standards) to go ablaze with lights and such.
Some have been bitten by the bug and have their decorations up and shining.

On this very cold night I’m happy for the sight and for the diversion.

The lights sparked some song memories.

Not Christmas or holiday songs as you might imagine.

The first, D. Boone’s “You Light Up My Life” flashed in my head and the refrain ran in a loop for a couple of cycles. No, I didn’t and don’t like the song but it is buried there, somewhere in my head, sparked by…lights. The effort to push this song out of my head clinked my mind to the line, “. . . it can’t be wrong, when it feels so right . . .“ which prompted L. Ingram’s “If Loving You Is Wrong”

If loving you is wrong I don't wanna be right

If being right means being without you

I'd rather live a wrong doing life

Your mama and daddy say it's a shame

It's a downright disgrace

Long as I got you by my side

I don't care what your people say

This is a song about a married man who is being loved by a woman beside his wife. The other woman is being pressed by family and friends to give up this relationship which to them is clearly a no-win situation for her. The man, per the song, shares a love for the woman but not so much that he is either willing or able to sever the relationship he has with his wife and two little children.

Am I wrong to fall so deeply in love with you

Knowing I got a wife and two little children

Depending on me too

And am I wrong to hunger

for the gentleness of your touch

knowing I got somebody else at home

who needs me just as much

Now, this isn’t going anywhere that will lead to anyplace good. So, BE GONE wrong love songs.
I forced a gear switch. The gears focused on the 14 degrees and “Let It Snow” and it’s line, “the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful, and since we’ve no place to go, . . “

Well, we do have someplace to go, INSIDE. I stamped my feet, shook my head and exhorted Diamond to finish her biz so that we could do just that.

Once inside I booted happier tunes.