eb told me so

In a little more than an hour I will turn the clock on forty-eight. Then I'll be looking down the barrel of forty-nine. That time will probably rock me more than this. Maybe. Perhaps. I'm not that bothered by forty-eight and truth be told, don't think I'll be that bothered by forty-nine. I seemed pretty cool about the whole prospect of another birthday, then eb wrote: I was just reading where us older lesbos are all the hot rage these days. Oh yeah, sexxxy.
My mom gave me that card you see above there. For the third year running, she's given me that same card. She has giggled and beamed each time, "I love that card!" Which if you really knew my mom you'd find fantastically ironic. Never-the-less, I agree...it is indeed how you are old. In keeping with that sentiment and eb's news I've decided to take my sexily banded, soon to be forty-eight year old knees walking and riding over the better part of two, three (or more

towns over the next few days to celebrate my day(s). Yes, turning 48 requires more than a single day. I'm going to play tourist of sorts, see and do things that I don't normally have time to do when I'm working. There will also be separate celebratory meals with daughter, son & mom and even a 50th wedding anniversary family party. Yum!

If there is a lamentable fact about turning 48, it is that Neta isn't here to celebrate with me, us. To borrow a phrase, soon forever. I can't wait until when next we meet, sweetheart. Love to you m'dear.

Brevity

Lifted this one from Gunfighter, who lifted it from someone else, who probably lifted it from someone else, who lifted it from someone . . .

1. Where is your cell phone? Charger
2. Your significant other? Away
3. Your hair? Tight
4. Your mother? Indescribable
5. Your father? Stranger
6. Your favorite time of day? Nap
7. Your dream last night? Heh?
8. Your favorite drink? Martini
9. Your dream goal? Solvency
10.The room you're in? Living
11. Your ex? Confused
12. Your fear? Heights
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Together
14. What are you not? Asleep
15. Your favorite meal? Tasty
16. One of your wish list items? Camera
17. The last thing you did? Flirt
18. Where you grew up? Here
19.What are you wearing? Cotton
20. Your TV is? On
21. Your pets? Furry
22. Your computer? Works
23. Your life? Protracted
24. Your mood? Light
25. Missing someone? Neeeeta
26. Your car? Daughter's
27. Something you're not wearing? Gown
28. Favorite store? Small
29. Your summer? Paused
30.Your favorite colour? BLUE
31. When is the last time you laughed? Today
32. When is the last time you cried? Tuesday
33. Your health? Improved
34. Your children? Loquacious
35. Your future? Mobile
36. Your beliefs? Strong
37. Young or Old? Middle
38. Your image? Prevalent
39. Your appearance? Mixed
40. Would you live your life over again, knowing what you know? Heartbeat

After

Mom: You got your hair cut! It's CUT!

Yes, I got my hair cut. The after is even shorter than before and my mother is even taken with the result. Hair, always a big deal around these parts, has somehow become even bigger. Both she and my daughter buy hair and pay someone (or enlist me) to sew, weave, glue or braid the purchased hair into their own. Though mom's more limited budget and condition has her resorting to wigs more often these days.

Still, given the givens, the reactions (my daughter isn't quite as bothered by the boy cut as she is with the gray) were pretty tame. Mom is trying on a more laid-back, don't sweat the small stuff, persona. Some days it is a good fit, some days not. And though we still haven't had that conversation, sharing pics and talk of Neta is not as hair-raising as it might have been times ago.

Times go by.

Before

I got my hair cut just about a month ago. It is time for another. I'll go either Friday evening or Saturday morning. I haven't decided. Much will depend on how Friday progresses. If it is anything like Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday or today, then Saturday a.m. early, is the day.One of my daughter's co-workers told her that Mamma Mia was worth seeing, that it was the perfect mother daughter film and that she and I certainly should go. My daughter who had zero interest in seeing this flick now is all, "we have to go!" Pete, the cat! Continues to rouse the house at 4:30 (or so) in search of "cat crack" as it has come to be known. Since moving into the bedroom his ministrations don't disturb. . . too much. Diamond dog had been bothered by a wee bit of a limp. A diet designed to help her shed some pounds combined with some hip and joint tabs have helped steady her peppy steps.

I'm adjusting to my new glasses. It isn't fun. Pete, the cat! and I joined Diamond dog is the pound shedding camp. We are pleased.

Hair Today

Donald at my local Staples ™ likes my haircut. He thinks it is neat. Obviously, I agree with him, I think it is neat too. Norman follows my instructions pretty much each time now and what I get is a nice, neat low cut and line.

It will stay neat for about a month. I must however, get myself into Norman’s chair every 3—4 weeks, otherwise Norman is challenged to re-create the look I desire.

Donald at my local Staples ™ wonders if the salt and peppering is natural or manufactured.

Make my hair gray, on purpose? Uhm, no. The salt and pepper pattern is a natural occurrence. In fact, until a few months ago I was covering all gray (and black) hairs with a reddish-brown dye (had been for years).

Donald likes the salt and pepper pattern. My daughter doesn’t like any gray on my head. Neta doesn’t mind one way or the other, my son and my mother haven’t chimed in on the color. Though my mother continues to hate that it is soooo short.

I’m haven't decided whether I like the salting and peppering. However, I have decided to leave it alone, save the cuts.

I will let it gray, where it may. For now, anyway.

LunchAble (?)

More often than not I take lunch at my desk. It’s too expensive and too contrary to my ultimate health goals to eat at any of the local spots near the job-site. So, I eat my lunch, at my desk.

Often, in the summer especially, my lunch consists of some kind of salad. Usually the salad is vegetable, sometimes fruit, and on one occasion and combination of the two. I don’t really like mandarin oranges as part of a mostly vegetable salad, I found. But apples, yes.

Sometimes I bring leftovers from dinner the previous evening. Today was leftover day. A yummy meatloaf, pasta shells and crinkle cut carrots with a bit of shredded cheddar melted throughout.

The microwave dinged and I went to collect the meal I’d been looking forward to all morning. There were hot peppers in the fridge from the lunch we had brought in for a resigning co-worker, I grabbed those from the fridge.

I cleared my desk of important papers, pulled out my newspaper crossword and began to eat and work the puzzle. The first bite…oh my, better last night. The peppers make all the difference. The second bi… oh my, here’s where I realize I’d forgotten my bib.

I’m wearing what was a clean white shirt.

Heard Before Read

I was sitting in an office today after work, helping daughter wade through all that is involved in buying her first car, well, not really first but first with, you know, financing. The forms, forms and even more forms, oh my, the forms.

She's looking for another (2nd) job, she has a line on an animal hospital looking for a vet tech and since she works part-time with one of the vets on staff there, she's hopeful that she'll get the position.

These moves all move her closer to moving out. onward and upward toward her truly adult self. It is all very good and a little scary.

Just a bit over a year ago M moved out. He's had an interesting, productive, trying, exhilarating, frustrating and successful year. As he's recently secured a more secure job, he'll be looking for a new apartment soon.

Overall I'm as excited for them as they navigate a whole new slew of firsts as I was when they were learning to talk, walk, run and such. But I am also afraid sometimes.

Today while I was in the office helping D, M called and told me all about his adventure getting home from work. He's fine (better than I would be if I had to be evacuated from a train, even with the electricity turned off) and for him, this is just another "life in the city" story.

For me it was a flash of wishing he was still staging battles among his action figures in the middle of the living room.

Continuation

18. Who was the last person you emailed? RC

19. Ever go camping? Are you nucking futs? That is to say, no, I've never been camping.

20. Do you have a tan? I was born with a tan. Well, truth be told, not fully. Family lore relates that it took a few days for the color on my fingers and toes to appear all the way to their respective tips.

21. Do you drink your soda with a straw? Presuming, of course, that I drink soda which I so very rarely do. On those few occasions, no, I do not use a straw.

22. What did your last IM say? It said, "success!! 1 wheat left, I nabbed it!!"

23. Are you some one's best friend? Yes, I've been told by two individuals that I am indeed their best friend. I feel very lucky to have both of them in my life.

24. What are you doing tomorrow? That sounds eerily like my mother's, "what's on your agenda for tomorrow?" Well, work. It will be Monday and I will be working from around 8 am to 4:55 pm. Beyond that, who knows?

25. Where is your mom right now? Right this second, I hope she's in bed in her apartment. Her apartment is about a mile away from my humble abode.

26. Look to your left, what do you see? My printer and a shelving unit holding various stuffed animals, digital camera & printer dock, photos, books, greeting cards and mementos.

27. What color is your watch? Black and silver

28. What do you think of when you think of Australia? "The Crocodile Hunter" and kangaroos

29. Would you consider plastic surgery? Plastic surgery makes me think...operations on Tupperware. Would I consider cosmetic surgery? Generally speaking, no.

30. What is your birthstone? Ruby

31. Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive-thru? Well, since I don't have a car and most fast food management frowns upon walking or riding your bicycle through the drive-thru, I go inside. Though, I tend to stay away from fast food joints, as a general rule of thumb. Some weeks, I am weak.

32. How many kids do you want? I have all I've ever wanted, if I did in fact, want them. I don't recall ever really having the thought..."I want kids" but I suppose as they are, you know, here, I must have, if even for an instant, wanted. Of course after having had them, I can't imagine life without them. Do I want any more? No, I don't. Grandchildren, perhaps.

33. Do you have a dog? Technically she's the daughter's dog, but I take turns at feeding, walking, petting and loving, so yes, I do have a Diamond of a dog.

34. Last person you talked to on the phone? Neta. It's always Neta.

35. Have you ever met anyone famous? No, not really.

36. Any plans today? Well, today is pretty much done. I plan to go to bed in about an hour.

37. How many states have you lived in? Just the one, this one, Illinois.

38. Ever to go college? Yes, for awhile. The plan is to continue, someday.

39. Where are you right now? At home, in my "corner office" listening to music, sipping a cocktail and completing this exercise.

40. Biggest annoyance in your life right now? That I'll probably finish my cocktail before I finish this post.

41. Last song listened to? This.

42. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all time time? Tan Vans (not quite, but close) that I try to convince myself go with everything. They don't really, but they are soooo comfortable.

43. Are you allergic to anything? Hmmm...weird, Neta asked me this question (specifically related to food(s) though, just this evening. I did have allergies to citric acid and citrus fruits. I think I still do, to a degree but they've lessened as I've gotten older.

44. Are you jealous of anyone? No, not really.

45. Is anyone jealous of you? Beats me, I don't know why anyone would be.

46. What time is it? 11:51 p.m.

47. Do any of your friends have children? Nearly all of my friends have children / adults who were once children. Neta (& my own son and daughter) are about the only people I know (besides co-workers and at least one family member) who don't have children.

48. Do you eat healthy? Generally, save the weak moments.

49. What do you usually do during the day? I don my super-hero costume and scour the world looking for wrongs to right. During the slow times I scour my insurance company's dentist directory looking for a new dentist.

50. Do you hate anyone right now? No. In my experience hate punishes the hater more than the hatee.There are much more constructive uses of my time and energies. Present exercise excluded. I thought for a long time that I hated my father ( & at various points, my brothers) but I don't think I ever really did.

51. Do you use the word hello daily? Why, yes, as a matter of fact, I do.

52. How old will you be turning on your next birthday? 48. Forty-eight. 4 8 I'll be turning 48 in 16 days. Yum, as I plan to have cake, a good cake.

53. Have you ever been to Six Flags? Yes, even before (the one here in Illinois) was called Six Flags. I never enjoyed amusement parks as a child and if not for my own kids would likely have not stepped into another as an adult.

54. How did you get one of your scars? A few are carry overs from childhood. There were / are the obligatory bicycle and playground falls. I have a scar on my left index finger from an adult mishap with a knife. I also have a scar on my back from a lipoma removal.

Whew done, except for the questions posed in the comments from Post 358, What sound do I hear right now? The music and the jingling of the Diamond's tags. What bug do I hate the most? I'm not really freaked out by bugs, I do get the heebie jeebies when I see creepie crawlies, but not so much that I can't dispatch them. I suppose if I had to pick...spiders, centipedes and millipedes would take the prize.

And...am I going to have a nice weekend? Well, I did. It wasn't deliriously wicked, but it was peaceful and chock full of sporting events. I even got to see my daughter play soccer, what a treat!

Ta ta for now.

Post 358

I lifted this from TSOL because...well, just because.

1. What is in the back seat of your car right now? Like Annelle I don't have a car. However, I have been described as having junk in the trunk.

2. When was the last time you threw up? Hmmmm....I don't remember. It's been quite awhile. Pete, the cat! threw up last week.

3. What is your favorite curse word? SHIT. Because it is the first (and probably only) curse word my mother heard me say. I was young and pretending to being lured to cutting school/class. Some building bully (we lived in a housing project) asked challenged if I was going to school. I sneered, "SHIT NO!" My mother snatched open a door I hadn't known she was standing behind and pulled me inside more to get me away from the bully than to punish me for cursing, I think. My older brother laughed at my use of shit in that way. He said, "You should have said "Fuck No!" He got slapped. I went to school.

4. Name 3 people who made you smile today? Smile...I flat out laughed with Neta and D today as I do many days while talking with them. I smiled at the thought of this being the final day for one of my most annoying co-workers.

5. What were you dong at 8 a.m. this morning? Having started my work day some 10 minutes prior, I had booted up the computer, was checking emails, eating my boiled eggs and moving on to my apple and sipping some coffee.

6. What were you doing 30 minutes ago? Signing checks and forwarding them for the second signature prior to mailing.

7. What will you be doing 3 hours from now? Sofa sittin', feet up, sippin' a beer, most likely.

8. Have you ever been to a strip club? Nope

9. What is the last thing you said aloud? "Bring it On." to Neta, who was on the phone, teasing me.

10. What is the best ice cream flavor? Is this a trick question? Any kind of chocolate. Though Neta and I had a rainbow w/fruit waffle cone at the Taste that might just allow me to forget that I'm a recovering chocoholic. Yum.

11. What was the last thing you had to drink? tap water

12. :::crickets:::

13. What was the last thing you ate? -hehehehe- Sorry, mind still on Neta's teasing. Seriously, a roast beef & turkey sub sandwich.

14. Have you bought any new clothing items this week? No, not this week. Not last week, likely not next week. But the week after...I have an anniversary party to attend on 8/2. I need something new for that, but I don't know what. I am NOT looking forward to shopping. I really DO NOT like shopping. Especially for clothes. Though not as traumatized by the thought of it as I once was, still...

15. When was the last time you ran? Ran? Ran what? Myself? Sheesh...1997 maybe? No, I have probably engaged in some kind of hurry step, close to a run, maybe a couple, three weeks ago? Maybe? Generally...I. Don't. Run. Ouch. Hurts just thinking about it.

16. What is the last sporting event you watched? I fell asleep on the sofa watching Sacramento vs LA Sparks. The Monarchs were winning. I woke up to Chivas vs LA Galaxy. Chivas was winning. I watched maybe another 5 minutes, then went to bed.

17. :::crickets::::

Does anyone know what questions 12 and 17 -were- ever? I was going to insert my own questions, but instead I'll put it out to you ladies (guys too if there are any out there), anything you'd like to ask (besides...who will & when re: moving, that is currently under advisement), fire away. There are however, many more questions to this thing, but I must leave this now as I've co-opted enough work minutes to this exorcise, I'll pick it up some time later.

Happy Friday. Have a deliriously wicked weekend, if you dare.

10:40 p.m.

I was on the floor. I don’t know why, really, I continue to get on the floor to lounge. Being on the floor is comfortable enough, depending on certain conditions and circumstances. It is the getting off the floor that presents the challenges and various aches and pains. It takes nearly forever and sometimes forever and a day to roll up to a standing position.

Anyway, I was on the floor when the phone rang. It was a distinctive ring so I knew the caller to be mom. (Aside: Recently, I’d discovered that somehow my mom’s assigned ring tone had been changed to mimic Neta’s. I’d answered a –mom- call by saying, “hey, baby love.” I recovered quickly enough I don’t think she noticed, much.)

Anyway, mom called at 10:40 p.m. last night and after confirming that I was not in bed (an inference as to how long it took to answer the phone) told me that she’d spoken with M and, “he didn’t sound good.” I was about to opine that he was probably tired, when her call waiting beeped and she excused herself to answer the other call.

While she was gone, I was thinking that I should probably just go to bed, I was mostly dozing anyway, Neta and I had already talked and certainly there wasn’t anything compelling on the tube. I was shutting things down when mom returned to say she’d talk to me later. Trumped again.

This morning I called M just to confirm that his “not sounding good” was in fact, fatigue. It was. His long work day was topped off by a very hastily planned and very long photo shoot, publicity shots for a new play he’s doing. He relayed that he’d spoken with mom this morning as well. She got started at about 7:30, warning him off the planned meeting with the (former?) gf. Mom was concerned that gf could be trying to “set him up.” For what, neither of us could figure. Mom tossed around some Sodom and Gomorrah references at which point, M begged off, citing that work beckoned.

I’m quite sure that I haven’t heard the last of these warnings or other tidbits related to the (former?) gf. However, I am sure that I won’t be getting back on the floor anytime soon.

It has not been a stellar day and work is not helping, at all.

Time Gone By, Slowly

As usual I’ve had a difficult time adjusting to life after Neta. This time made more difficult by the fact that she was here, in my space(s). Gracing them, for sure, while she was here, haunting them now that she’s gone.

I only thought I knew how she felt when I was doing the leaving.

Her laughter, my very favorite of her sounds, resonates throughout. Her hair (the thought of it) tickles my nose at night. Her scent lingeres on pillowcases I’ve been reluctant to launder.

It’s been hard.

One might think that M’s relationship issues, crazy shit at work, mom’s concerns about the social security administration being out to get her, D’s not-having a-car woes, my own on-going battle with weight-fullness, killer cramps, slightly throbbing knees and an oddly painful right heel would keep me occupied enough, keep my mind from wandering back to the void, would keep me from losing every thought except this: Neta was here and now she isn't.

If you think any of that has kept my mind off missing her royally, think again.

Change of Plan

The 4th holiday was to have included my son & his girlfriend, my daughter & her boyfriend, baked chicken, spaghetti, potato salad, corn on-the-cob and apple pie. He called around 2 p.m. and announced that they wouldn’t be coming over.

Son: I don’t think this is going to work out.

He broke it all down in the next two hours. I listened, commented and advised where I could.
More of the same came on Saturday. I was out running errands and doing laundry when he called the cell. He needed to work it all out in his head, in my ear.

Son: Save the spaghetti, I think I’ll be able to come through on Sunday.

The word came late (very late) Saturday night.

Son: Well, it’s done. She wasn’t interested in a slow down, it was all or nothing. She put my stuff and a box and asked me to leave. I’m walking home now. I feel . . . ok.

We talked for three hours late Saturday night/ early Sunday morning. I learned more about what he felt their problems were and what he’d tried to work through them. I listened, commented and re-assured where I could.

He didn’t come over on Sunday, so the spaghetti (and the pie) will be on ice.

PS...He called just before I clicked Publish Post-

Son: She called. She felt like things spun out of control and wonders if we can meet some time next week.

A Few Pictures & Words

arrive, scent, lovely, bags, view, hotel, room, comfy, martini, olives stuffed with bleu cheese, Pride, parade, taste fest, fun, smiles, sun, walking, trains, buses, crowds, quiet, son, loud, daughter, pina colada, margarita, ambitious (too), tired, sleep, buff, snore, dog, cat, tacos, spicy, rainbow ice cream, fruit, coconut rice, Chicago, border, worries, none, deep dish pizza, lost, found, knees, tendons, pain, tears, laughter, dancing, thumpa thumpa, Roscoe’s, boys town, more, less, pictures, cook, order, donuts, iced coffee, patience, lack thereof, showers, home, where, don't, go, want, need, happy, sad, hugs, kisses, holding hands & more…again. Soon. Please.

Love. Supreme.