Don't Know Why

Walking down the street the other day with nothing much on my mind except watching where I stepped, lest I trip on a pebble or nothing (I'm prone to that) I began to take notice of car grilles. Don't ask me why, I do not know why.

I work on a block with service drives on either side of the thru street. The parking rules dictate that vehicles pull in, generally on a slight angle (though the street in not lined) giving one so inclined full, un-obstructive views of vehicles grilles. The other day I was so inclined. Don't ask me why, I do not know why.

There were a variety of makes and models parked along a 2 block stretch (the extent of my research parameter) and I noticed that styling for grilles mostly alternated between a boxy rectangle with vertical grid lines, as if to suggest open-mouthed teeth bared in a grimace. Like so:

Or a kind of trapezoidal took with the corners pointed up in a mock metal smile. Depending on the sharpness of the angles, the smile could appear friendly or sinister, such as:

There was one make / model that didn't follow the general pattern noted. That, being the Mini Cooper. The Mini doesn't grimace nor does it smile. The Mini frowns. See exhibit C:

Don't ask me why, I do not know why.

Head's Up

Last weekend it was the eczema outbreak and this, a cold. A cold that rudely took up residence in my head, throat, and chest. When I wasn't asleep, I was coughing, sneezing, and oozing fluids from my nose and eyes.

Gorgeous, yes I know.

My gorgeous self woke up this morning after a fitful night. A dream that surprisingly, I remember was quite disturbing. It involved the kid's dad and had me literally gasping for air. It was the closest I've come to a nightmare in quite some time.

Also, I snore. I've been told that I snore, but I never really believed it. Does anyone ever? I think, perhaps it might be worse when I'm sick.

Maybe.

Anyhoo... my gorgeous self woke up this morning and the trip to the bathroom mirror confirmed my suspicsions, drool. In addition to the leaky eyes, dripping nose I had achieved fluids triple play. Yep, gorgeous. I know.

On the bright side, the dream was just a dream, the cold is just a cold, and the meds, mega tons of soup, orange juice, and bed rest seem to be working.

I'm beginning to feel more like myself. Which is good, feeling blah really sucks socks.

Topped

My day started at 4:36 a.m. I don't know what startled me awake, likely a dream. If it was a dream it vanished as soon as my eyes opened, probably even before. The room was dark and quiet. Both conditions out of the ordinary. I've been trying something new. I'm not happy with the results, but perhaps I need to give it more time. I shall.

Anyhoo...my day started at 4:36 a.m. I didn't try to go back to sleep, but I did linger in bed until I couldn't any longer. After the bathroom run, I returned to bed, but didn't sleep. I lingered longer. A bit after six the day began in earnest. The boys and D-dog were happy.

From that point on the day was rather routine, outside of a co-worker commenting on my face ("it looks better") and another coming to complete is I-9 form asked if the tattoo of his social security (inside left wrist) would satisfy the document requirement. Otherwise, routine.

End Scene. I've been tagged. Thanks NCP! This is the one word survey. Y'all know the drill, if you wanna, top - on!!

1. Where is your cell phone? Pocket
2. Your hair? Short
3. Your mother? Florence
4. Your father? James
5. Your favorite food? Potato
6. Your dream last night? Vaporized
7. Your favorite drink? Tepid
8. Your dream/goal? Solvency
9. What room are you in? Living
10.Your hobby? Drawing
11. Your fear? Drowning
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Earth
13. Where were you last night? Home
14. Something that you aren’t? Four
15. Muffins? Crave
16. Wish list item? Canon
17. Where did you grow up? NSEW
18. Last thing you did? seventeen
19. What are you wearing? Socks
20. Your TV? On
21.Your pets? Asleep
22. Friends? Some
23. Your life? Static?
24. Your mood? Reasoned
25. Missing someone? Still
26. Vehicle? Dream
27. Something you’re not wearing? Suspenders
28. Your favorite store? Nope
29. Your favorite color? Rainbow
30. When was the last time you laughed? Today
31. Last time you cried? Same
32. Your best friend? DP
33. One place that I go to over and over? Lavatory
34. One person who emails me regularly? 'cuz
35. Favorite place to eat? Mine

Easy Like Sunday Morn'

That is to say, I'm trying to take it easy. Though part of me does feel guilty to be wasting what has turned into a near perfect autumn day, I feel it best to stay indoors and as quiet as possible. You see, I had an eczema outbreak on Friday. I worked Friday, but the itching, rubbing, trying to relive the itching, and repeat, made it extremely hard to focus, thus making it extremely hard to power through the list of tasks. I got mostly done, or rather done with the most tedious of the tedious things.

By the time I checked out, half-hour earlier than the usual 5:00, my face felt like it'd been chewed from the inside out. It was hot from having been rubbed raw. By the time I got home to my tea tree soap, cool water, and prescribed ointment it was all i could do to apply and crash.

I haven't experienced an outbreak this bad in a long time, twenty years or so. I don't know what triggered this break. In the past it's been food. Or certain perfumes, shampoos, lotions or the like. I'm not usually affected by fabrics, but maybe that has been a factor too. It was cool this week just passed and I've been wearing sweaters (which aren't new) and scarfs (one of the two, is new) maybe I'm beginning a fabric allergy.

Kmae suggested that it might be stress. And while I don't feel stressed there are things going on that have me somewhat anxious.

Fact is, I don't know what triggered this outbreak. It could have been any one thing or combination of things. Maybe remembering and feeling the memory of being in TN a year ago this weekend. Or maybe, it's like the 17-year cicadas. Maybe it was my body sending some kind of message.

Whatever the trigger, the remedy of Tea Tree soap, cool water, wonderfully effective topical ointment, rest, and keeping clear of . . . most everything, anything that might re-fire the situation has been the order of Saturday and now Sunday. The face chewing itching has subsided and the face is a little less raw, just peeling a bit. Oh yes, a sight.

Monday is back to the grind but today is more of Saturday's plan . . . slow and easy, rinse and repeat.

I'm Gonna Tell Yo Momma

Remember the cousin who e-mails me forwarded junk stuff? Well, it has continued, once a week or so since that post. In the beginning I opened every one. Then, as I determined no special thought was proffered along with the forwards, I slowed on opening them and often simply ignore them. Now and again, I'll get suckered intrigued by the subject line, hoping for something profound, interesting or really, really funny.

Damn. I would assign them to spam but she is, well, family and she might someday send me something . . . relevant.

Recently I heard from my mother that this cousin is hurt that I don't even bother to respond to her missives.

WHAT?!?

Did I mentioned these are forwards?

That she doesn't even preface? Not even with a "HELLO"??

The most recent spat of Fw: Fwd: include: 7 reasons not to mess with children --a take on children say the darnedest things You can't fix stupid --10 recitations of stupid human tricks and Generation Y --a breakdown of the various generations; silent, baby boomers, X and Y --and why Y? a cartoonist's rendition of a young male with his pants sagging revealing the Y at the top of his ass.

Hardee har har har....

Probably I should (could) at least acknowledge the mail. As she told my mom, "I make a special effort to reach out."

I'm a little miffed that she told my mom. She's 53 years old!!

My first thought was to file mom's report away as...heh. Oh sure, rant and rave (to Danielle) but otherwise let forwarding emailers rest.

But, I didn't. I emailed my cousin and I told her why I don't respond to her forwards. I let her know that while it is nice? to be included in the list, it'd be nicer still to hear how she, her husband, daughters, and grandson are doing. It might be nice if she asked after me and mine, once in awhile. That I might be more apt to respond to fw: fwd: if there weren't all soooo banal.
I thought once, twice, before hitting send. Was I stepping into a beehive? Would I be stung?

send

Spinning

It could be because there is too much coffee in my system as I've just realized that I've downed 1/2 a pot, 6 cups (only half, because I only made 1/2 a pot). It could be because in addition to the 1/2 pot of coffee there was also the two slices of peanut butter toast not to mention the carrot cupcake topped with butter cream icing. It could be all that. But, it could also be this: That little girl in pink with the one finger thrust in the air, posing for the camera, is my little girl. We were celebrating that day the event of her very first birthday. On that day in October it was all about balloons, cake, ice cream, and fun...for her. Today, as we celebrate the event of her 24th birthday it is still about balloons (well, one anyway ::smirk::) cake, ice cream (in the cake ) and for fun her, but it is also about our evolution as mother and daughter, as women. It is also about who we have become individually and as a unit. It is also about how relate and are related.

To say that I love my daughter (or she me) is only the beginning. There are so many layers to who we are as women today, October 11, 2009.

In addition to being my daughter's 24th birthday, it is also National Coming Out Day and as part of that celebration and commemoration, I joined a movement that utilized the automatic fb status update device. The status update:

Deborah Xxxxx is a lesbian. It is National Coming Out Day and I pledge to have heartfelt conversations for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender equality.

The status ran for a few days leading up to and then of course, including today. My daughter took a few moments out of her celebratory week to comment on my status:

Danielle Xxxxx U GO GIRL!!! I LOVE AND RESPECT U!!!!! YAY
Yesterday at 8:49pm

Like I said yesterday, my story is evolving and I am beyond overjoyed that my daughter plays an active role in that evolution. My head, it spins.

Happy, happy, joy, joy to my girl, daughter, and friend.

Four Words

I am a lesbian. Those four words uttered to my son and daughter a bit over three years ago released a lifetime of secrets, walls, barriers, avoidances, distances and silences.

I am a lesbian. The power of those four words pushed me toward understanding my truth and empowering me to live that truth from that day forward.

Those four words led me to wonderful bloggers, women who have become allies, confidantes, and friends. Those four words led me to meetings, adventures, and women in my local area with whom I hope and expect to continue building friendships.

I am a lesbian. In the private comfort of my own home, to my son and daughter, to the bloggers I met (just before) and since the reveal, to the women I've met in the last year or so, to the woman I hold near my heart, to these folks, I am a lesbian.

To the world at large, I'm largely, not. However, those four words, I Am A Lesbian the love and support of my family and friends, paired with my own zeal will catapult me even further.

My coming out story is more an evolution. In the words of one of entertainment's most famous divas, "I'm coming out, I want the world to know, got to let it show."

"I'm coming out!"

for Syd

D, as you probably know works as a vet tech in the spay/neuter clinic of our local animal shelter. The shelter receives support in the form of volunteerism and donations from the community. Often, the donations include items that the shelter is unable to use. Those items are either forwarded to other shelters, animal hospitals, the shelter's own resale shop, or other resale shops. Sometimes the items are retained to be sold in the shelter store or given away with new adoptions. Now and again D spies and item that seems a perfect match for one (or more) of our furry brood. The lovely pink pet bed was one such item. Irresistible, isn't it? D won the office bid and was able to bring the lovely pink pet bed home. Buttah didn't waste any time making himself at home. That's Buttah to a T.

However, D had planned the bed for Diamond (irony and as a way to telegraph d-dogs dominant attitude over the house cats). Diamond was not at all interested in the lovely pink bed (unless there was a treat hidden in the cushion. Also, she's a tad too stout and long to lie comfortably (she likes to splay her legs when at deep rest).

We still have to find the perfect location for the lovely pink pet bed.

Another Saturday Night

The boys are at it again, still. No news there, nothing to see, let's move it along . . .

Not a big fan of being in the water (as in swimming) I am a big fan of water, ripples to waves. Water is a fascinating element.

Several weeks ago one of the meet-up groups had a change. The organizer(s) decided to step down from that position as they needed to concentrate on other pursuits. I met them for a few adventures and like them very much. Luckily, I get to keep up with them (and they me) via fb and blogging.

The meet-up organization sent out a call for a new organizer and in stepped Ronnie. She is the organizer of another group and felt it wouldn't be overly taxing to add the Thrifty Queer Adventurers. Eager to meet the new organizer, I was happy to see the first event scheduled soon after the announcement.

The second even came shortly after the first and it was during that event Friday night, that Ronnie invited me (and the other participant) to a party, Saturday night.

A party? Me?

My first instinct was to decline the invitation. I didn't decline outright, but offered to defer, "let me see how Saturday pans out, I'll let you know." The evening wore on (and on, not in that way, but fun none-the-less) and the subject was broached once, twice again. I agreed to go to the party.

Ronnie quipped, "It's a pot-luck, surprise, surprise. Lesbians and pot-luck!" And so, there was food, drink, music via a deejay, dancing and lots and lots and more, w-o-m-e-n.

There were women from the city and 'burbs, women in business and skilled trades, women in partnerships and those not. I talked, laughed, and danced with women. Lots and lots and more, women.

I'm a big fan of women, ripples to waves. Women are fascinating elements.