Out of the Weeds, Into the Clouds

See Those Buds 

Have you ever had one of those days where your work production suffered because all you could think about is what you wanted or needed to do when you got home? And once home, you couldn't get much of any of those things done because your mind wandered back to what you didn't accomplish at work and how that now will impact the next working day?

Well, welcome to my week. Every day. Every. Single. Day. last week I struggled to get out of the apartment in a timely manner that would guarantee an on-time work arrival; so mired in listing, planning, studying, arranging the work and home agendas. There was a work list. There was a home list.

Each carefully crafted to achieve maximum efficiency and success.

Somewhere in the mix, the lists conspired to become a muddled mess of: STUFF TO GET DONE which ultimately led to my scrambling, muddling, meandering, tick-tocking instead of humming right along.

Ouch.  It was a long, topsy-turvy kind of week.

But, it is a new Monday. A new week. A new . . . attitude, if you will. Oh, I still have lists as there are still goals to achieve, tasks to clear. But something will change. I haven't quite mustered out what shape this change will take, how IT will manifest. But I have every confidence this week will be better.

Yo, you buying any of that?

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April Third Check on April

Disclosure: I am not following April the giraffe, but many are. 

Baseball season has started. Sorta. Opening Day for the White Sox was post-poned until Tuesday.  Rain. 

Rain. And more Rain. 

I have not turned on any external sound and until daughter walked in a few minutes ago, nothing 

but the sound of upstairs neighbors clanging about; their dog barking, their baby crying, my dog making whatever sound she makes, and the cat's meowing. 

That (not turning on music, news, TV external sound) might not seem like a big deal to some but for me? HUGE. But, I'm trying this new thing, you may have heard of it, sitting in silence. Well, relative silence. Upstairs neighbors and pets aside. 

Did you know that April is National Poetry Month? The actor (my son) was a performance poet first. He began in his second year of high school, charter member of the the school's Spoken Word Club. He doesn't write poetry much anymore and hasn't been to an open mic (as a performer) in years but he is still quite poetic in his thinking. 

Middle Girl at BlogSpot began March 29, 2006 (That first post was updated in 2015) 

Every now an again a stranger leads with an act of kindness and literally stuns me into silence. 

Such a thing happened today. To the lady who offered me her pink umbrella for my walk to the bus stop, THANK YOU. 

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WWW DOT COM

The HUGE Ferris Wheel @ Navy Pier

Monday thru Friday from about 8:45 (most of the time) until 5:10 or so I am unplugged from all social media. Sure, I'm online as most of the medical billing functionality as well as my work station telephone is internet based, but my internet activity is pretty much limited.

To be fully in compliance with HIPAA we are not allowed to have our personal phones (or other mobile devices) at our workstations (let alone.have them on) and we are not to access our personal emails or other sites while any of the medical billing pages are up. Actually, we are only to do those things during a lunch or other break time. We are allowed to access streaming radio like iHeart, Spotify, or Pandora which most do (we are allowed to have one ear plugged) as the office music selection of the day is not to the taste of the room at-large.

So, Monday thru Friday from about 8:45 am (most of the time) until 5:10 pm I have absolutely no idea what has gone on with my FB, Instagram, or Twitter feeds. And for the most part, I don't really care, wouldn't do me much good since I can't access them. I suppose I could take my phone to BK (or some other nearby spot) to surf or take WWF turns but I don't.

That isn't to say that I don't spend a good portion of the very long commuting time (about 90 minutes including waiting) scrolling through FB and Instagram, taking WWF (Words With Friends) turns, and reading blog posts. I try not to comment (sometimes I can't help it) because the bus jostling adds a bit of intrigue to tapping out coherency. . 

Given the limitations I don't have a lot of time focused on or to be dedicated to Internet / social media sites for pure leisure. When I first got on-line oh so many years ago, I emailed and surfed the WWW. Surfing various topics (most having to do with lesbianism--as I wasn't "out" yet) led to a community of bloggers and eventually to my own blogging.

While I do have Pinterest, Twitter, WordPress, and Tumblr accounts I do not actively participate in any of those platforms. Tumblr asks every year if I'd like to keep my Tumblr name and I always reply, "yes" even as I have no intention to Tumbl(r).  My leisure time Internet usage is FB, Instagram, Blogging, and to a very small degree, YouTube. (I shop on line but that is not a leisure activity). 

A blogging (and FB) buddy talked about YouTube channels and the number of subscriptions she has. I had to admit, yes, I YouTube but had no idea how many channels I had over the years clicked, "subscribe". After reading her post I discovered that number was 26. I spent a few minutes un-subscribing and so now the number is: 19.   

I have to admit, YouTube has not been my "go to" internet place for some time now. Their pay-to-play platform and more recent acts played a role in my staying (mostly) away. My most recent upload was 3 years ago.   My YouTubing usually happens as result of a video being posted on another platform, usually FB or embedded in a blog.

My fellow blogger's post got me thinking not only about my YouTube subscriptions but about my overall Internet activity and how I might re-dedicate my leisure time Internet usage or even if I may (or should) re-dedicate more leisure time off-line.

I didn't realize this was even on my mind until I read her post on my way home from work today. 

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This and That

We had snow last week. Not like other places, but enough. 

I hope the snow is over, but this is the Midwest, anything is possible

The madness that is March (i.e. college basketball) is in full swing. 

And I have no idea who is where. Well, except for UConn. 

(UConn women, I am sure you knew that.) 

Why do people reach out, start a dialog and then just stop? 

Click here for tidbits about the name Deborah. 

According to family lore my name was nearly Clementine. 

Ryerson, Morse, Beidler, Ryder, Dvorak, Suder, and Skinner are the names of the elementary schools I attended.  

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Step To It

4,886

4,886

4,886

4,886 multiplied by three total 14,658. 

Which is the total number of steps taken on the Sunday. 

I joined a new group and the outing (stroll near one of the north side beaches) was my first event. The goal is to manage at least two such events a month. Of course, there must be other such events on my own. The idea is that joining the group will help motivate movement outside of the group events. 

Beginning. Again. 

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Welcome to Monday

This morning. 

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One March On

Ruby Bridges is 62 years old. Fifty-seven years ago she was the first Black student to attend Franz Elementary school in New Orleans, LA after the federal government forced Louisiana to comply with the landmark, Brown vs. the Board of Education Supreme Court ruling leading to the desegregation of the nation's public school system.

For over a  year, she was the only student as all the white families pulled their kids out. The teachers refused to teacher to teach her, save one: Barbara Henry, a Boston native. Ms. Henry taught Ruby as though there were a room full of Rubys. 

♥  ♥ ♥ ♥

I mention it here because one: I will celebrate my 57th birthday in a few months. Two: Women's History. Black(s) in America history IS  AMERICAN
history. Three: I have been thinking about my school experiences as well as been in conversations with my son and daughter about experiences during their school years.
Four: Fifty-seven years ago Ruby was the first Black child to attend all-white Franz Elementary.

" . . . one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."    



#post 1,000.

Remembrance and Loss

"When someone you love dies, you never quite get over it. you just slowly learn how to go on without them. But always keeping them tucked safely in your heart."   I don't remember where I read this quote, I wrote it on a random piece of paper some months ago. I marked it author unknown and promptly stuck it in a book where it stayed until Friday while looking for some other random thing written or sketched.  Ironically , one day before the anniversary of my mother's death.

      

Turns out that day was also the day my orange boy, Buttah died. I haven't talked about it much, but Buttah has been sick. The sickness came on rather suddenly and progressed rapidly.  At first it seemed like something that would pass, he was acting a little differently but was otherwise, fine--all the markers, marked. Until the last few days. He didn't appear to be in any distress caused by pain. He leaned in to all our touches and ministrations. We made him as comfortable as we could in his final days and on Friday, he went to sleep. Quietly. 

The parallels are striking. My head and heart are in a swirl.

 
Pair Buttah's demise with remembering mom with receiving communication from an attorney regarding a pending case related to my dad and his death,  totally out of the blue, all within the same days, and well. . . loss and remembrance, remembrance and loss, like a never ending loop.




The hours, minutes, seconds of the last several days have been consumed with thoughts of mom and dad; tucked safely in a heart now cracked open needing to make room for my dear orange guy. Loss and remembrance. Remembrance and loss. Running in a loop. 

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Three (now Two) From One Thousand

The actor at a table read. 

Last year, I shared this  The year before that, this  And many years before, this .  All that has been said before remains true and even more. In addition to acting and the music noted in previous posts, the man who will turn the page on his 35th birthday on Wednesday, will add a directing credit to his resume.

He has spoken at length of the challenges, the joys, and the pains of the process. And how he is enjoying every minute of it. He said, "If I can cultivate an environment where a bunch of strangers want to work together to create, then much of my work is done.

Casting (an arduous process) is now complete. Rehearsals will begin soon. And then, opening day!

Not sure I can adequately convey just how hard this guy works, how "matter-of-factly" he takes the knocks that come his way, how focused and committed he is to craft, to art, to creativity, to life and how art plays into that.

I wish my son a happy birthday (in two days). I wish his spirit and verve for life and art continues to grow.


                                                                               

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Take Aways

No, I didn't attend any of the marches. But checking in during Saturday into Sunday via multiple news sites and social media pages, I was floored by the magnitude. The global response to Friday's event was mind-boggling, overwhelming; encouraging.       

Overwhelming yes, encouraging, absolutely. But, also sobering. 

These two images culled from hundreds, perhaps thousands, state just how large the the job ahead is, just how much work there is yet to do. The marches, the speeches, the signs, and the petitions, is only the beginning.   

For those who gathered on Saturday, thank you. For you and the rest of us, the work continues. We have only just begun.  

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You've Got Mail

sprout pencils

Happy New Day!  Here we are smack dab in the middle of a new month, the first month of a brand new year and I am not feeling the newness; I am not feeling optimism usually associated with a new year (particularly when coupled with a new administration); I am not feeling UP. 

Maybe because the cold hasn't fully left my body. My right eye is phlegmy and sensitive. However, it is responding positively to treatment. For that, I am grateful. 

Still, it is a new year, a new administration, a new drive to speak up, stand up, be present, and a re-commitment to that which brings me joy and hopefully comfort to others; writing letters.   A colleague of my son's was just diagnosed with breast cancer. I shared the Girls Love Mail program with him as a way to support others as well as his colleague. 

Happy New Day! for I am taking on this year, one day at a time; treating, acting, addressing, art-ing, writing, sharing, caring . . as the day presents, unfolds. 

Happy Birthday to Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. May his wisdom, words, and strength embolden us all to live out loud. 

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Family: Life Matter

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One of my weekend projects (in the midst of my recuperation from the head cold that won't go fully away) was to get personal business and household papers in order which also meant: purge. Out with the old, in with the new(er) and all that whiz.

Well, I got that done. Feeling somewhat energized and motivated to move on to another project (inside over outside given the air temps this weekend) I decided to tackle the main photo and other memorabilia cabinet;
stuffed so full of our lives that the door didn't fully close.

Soon after I began, the thought that I'd bitten off more than I could chew crystallized in my mind. The volume of items paled when factored against with the volume of emotional intensity.

And then my daughter came into the room. She looked through some of the items, marveling at the sweetness, invoking memories of sheer joy. She commented on how the images of she and her brother as young children illustrated how protective he has always been, how loving, how gentle . .  We laughed over the kindergarten writings, the sixth grade essay, the toothless grins, the "Garfield" necklace and earring set, and especially the images of a dad fully engaged, fully invested.

My ex-husband died just before Thanksgiving. His relationship with the kids was strained long before we split. The chasm grew with his re-marriage, a stroke, a move to a Mississippi nursing home after he and the second wife split. Our daughter (much like I did with my absent dad) tried to engage, tried to embrace, tried to include him in her life, and be included in his, with little success. The experiences of the past several years left her a little broken which of course, broke my heart as I recalled my own brokenness over my dad's distancing himself from my life.

And then, Saturday. She saw what she hadn't remembered, what she hadn't known about her dad, my dad, the whole of all our lives. And we laughed. We were able to say goodbye. We were able to uplift his presence in our lives and embrace the joy that was, that is, that will always be, our family.

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Scattered Not Gory

The Magic of Christmas 

The above image is one of the few family Christmas photos featuring me and my siblings as children. My older brother is standing next to me and the younger is barely in the frame. That is is elbow. This is a Christmas morning circa 1965 or 1966 with my mom as photographer. It was my intent to post this along with memory lane jog before the 25th of December but I was smacked with a doozie of a head cold that left me horizontal as often as possible. What little present energies were spent getting to (and attending to) work. Even still, I was sent home early one day and called off another. I've already burned some 2017 PTO hours.

Today is the best day of the last ten. The worst is over. Knock wood.

I've forgotten where this was going . . .     oh, nowhere really, except that Scattergories is one of my favorite games. Daughter and I played a couple of rounds between my coughing and sniffling. Some FB friends were passing around a Scattergories with a twist--using the first letter of your last name to answer the questions posed:

P    Animal: Porcupine.
      Girl's Name: Penelope
      Boy's Name: Peter
      Color:  Purple
      Movie: Poseidan Adventure
      Something You Wear: Pants
      Drink: Pink Lady
      Food: Pigeon Peas 
      Item in Bathroom: Pipe
      Place: Portugal
      Reason to be late: Pothole
      Car: Plymouth
      Composer: Puccini
      Author: Patricia Cornwell
      Singer: Paula Cole

I still don't know where this post was going, has gone, it is just . . well, is.    I hope everyone had a please holiday and if you had a break, I hope that too was pleasant.

Happy New Day!

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**published too late for Monday, but meant for Monday or at least earlier on Tuesday.  Yeah, still kinda scattered, operating at about 86% (generous).

Be Still

Pete in the Middle

When last we met Buttah was the featured feline planting himself in the middle of a project. Not to be outdone, here is Pete smack dab in the middle of a different project. Pete, unlike Buttah, isn't about offering any advice or wisdom. His motivations are: 1. feed me and 2. crank up the heat. He cares not what is going on unless he has determined the goings on are interfering with 1 and 2.

Pete, Buttah, and their canine counterpart, Cinnamon impact operations; most every task, most every project. How little or how much depends on the energy emitted into the atmosphere. The dynamic of the trio of fur has shifted in the last few weeks. We are still working through the newest normal. Winter (even unofficially) is not our signature season.

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Still Life

The last couple of weeks have been full of a mish-mosh of events, emotions, and more. While there are many things to say, I find myself devoid of fitting syntax to relate any of those things except this: wherever there is a project to be done, there is Buttah offering his sage advice and guidance.

#MicroBlogMonday-click for more! 

POST E . .

My daughter's election day text, "seeing his name on the ballot blows my mind" perfectly illustrates the state of my mind every day since. It isn't just that he won and she didn't but . . . well, you know what all came next and what is likely to continue.  

I read a graphic some weeks ago: picture ear buds with the text, Listening to 5 to 10 songs a day can improve memory, strengthen immune system and reduce depression by 80%.  While listening to my 5 to 10 I re-discovered, "Land of 1000 Dances" and was instantly thrown back to my childhood, to one of the pockets of pleasure, and mom trying to teach some of the dances mentioned. 

The music does help soothe. But to brighten a body needs more. Well, this body does.

We have already read about and / or witnessed the unleashed hate.We have already had some previews as to the direction this new regime would angling to lead this "great" country. And we already know there will be people, groups of people who will need the help that organizations like Planned Parenthood, The ACLU Legal Defense Fund, The Trevor Project, Center for Reproductive Rights, Natural Resources Defense Council, Mexican American Legal Defense and Education Fund, Southern Poverty Law Center (to name a few) seek to service. Additionally, there are also petitions, protests, all manner and measures of support that may be offered.

So, in the spirit of being the change, this body is dancing to the tune of helping when and where I can.

                                                                     

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And the Winner Is

Some weeks ago I made an off-hand suggestion that daughter and I attend the 3rd annual Mac and Cheese Fest as it had been some time since we'd had one of our mother-daughter (good friends) outings. The $65.00 per ticket price knocked the possibility out of contention. And then, a couple of weeks ago, daughter mentions, not so off-handedly that her employer was going to participate in the festival, that we could get a deep discount on the tickets, and asked if I (still) wanted to go. For The Win. 

 We, along with hundreds of other visitors tasted offerings from caterers, restaurants, culinary institutes, and the like. We were asked for vote for our favorite/s. After the votes were tallied, the winner: Autumn Asiago Mac and Cheese (as pictured above) was announced.


.                                                 
Chef Lex (in the white coat, here with her wife, Lindsey) and the team took the first runner up trophy from 2015. And this year, For. The. Win. bringing home the coveted Golden Noodle. Yay Team. 

My daughter's words: It's funny how life works out. I had a job offer to leave Chicago and then I got the offer from Amazing Edibles and after being with them from Late spring I grew with them, and I didn't just like my job I loved my job. And making decisions is apart of life but this choice to stay and working with Amazing Edibles has been hands down my best choice since deciding to pursue culinary. I wish everyone could have a supportive, knowledgeable, loving, caring work environment. I'm so happy they chose me and I chose them back! Thank you ladies for always dealing with this silly Dani even at 6am!

Congratulations to an incredible team who contribute to make Amazing Edibles amazing.  FTW.

More Monday! 

  

Game Faces

The Boys decided to keep me company while I watch one of the three World Series games our Cubbies played over the weekend. You may not be able to tell but they are simply overcome with the excitement of it all.

Seriously.

They are.

I'm not a big baseball fan. But it is hard to sit idly by while the city is so pumped.  Rooting for the home team.

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It's Official! Re-boot.

Dani wih Chester Chicago Pride 2008 

You may remember a mention some weeks ago of an opportunity my daughter had that was going to take her to Colorado and then Wyoming for the next two years. She was slated to leave early next month to report to the Colorado site within the next three weeks.

While extremely happy for and proud of her I don't mind telling you the prospect of saying good-bye (if even temporarily) was causing me some amount of anxiety. But, I stood strong for her sake. On the surface this was a grand opportunity.

In the days after the the announcement daughter worked (hard) to earn the fare. She made plans and decisions about how she would travel, what possessions to take and what to leave. All while emailing the company representative trying to get some definitive information on her assignment and more specifics about the set-up.

The information she was seeking was not forthcoming and as the days and then weeks leaked by she grew more and more anxious. The baseball season (her primary job was with the group that operates restaurants at US Cellular Field-Chicago White Sox) was drawing to a close and she was afraid of an employment / income gap. So she updated her resume and began to set up interviews.

To make a long story short (too late --a "Clue" reference) she isn't going to Colorado (or Wyoming).The part-time / independent contractor gig she was working with a local catering company offered her a regular, full-time, year-round job.

She is, in a word, stoked. And while a little sad about not traveling, she's pleased the the netting fell apart before she broke the bank moving out of state. And she will travel. And she will move away when the time and circumstances are right.

In the meantime, we celebrate the new job We celebrate the kitchen and business training she will receive.

My little girl (as my mother would have said) had a birthday last week. It was shaping up to be a hectic, bittersweet affair. But, it has turned into one of the happiest she's had in a few years. I am excited to bear witness to the next career and life steps.

For she's a jolly good daughter.

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Four Words

Seventeen. August 1st 1976, the day after my 16th birthday, the beginning of my seventeenth year. That August meant preparing for my last year of high school and trying to figure out a post high school life.

Life was, in a word, hectic.

Seventeen. August 1st 1977, the day after my 17th birthday. High School graduation done. First day of the first year of college fast approaching.

Life was, in a word, hectic.

Family life was in shambles with two out of control brothers. I was working three jobs to earn the money to begin school (and to get away which is what I wanted most in the world at the time).

A close, valued relationship came to a crashing end.

Life was, in a word, hectic.

If I were to have a conversation with my 17 year old self drilled down to 4 words those words would be:

Leave now, take charge. 

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What 4 words would you say to your 17 year old self?
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